Ok, so it's been awhile. I have been sick, and then busy with my computer. Having problems again. This time I am determined to find out where the problem is and fix it. Although right now I am sidetracked as I am just in awe of the beauty of Angelina Jolie. She is talking to Barbara Walters, and damn she is so gorgeous and yet oh so f*cked up. Damaged beyond belief. It's interesting that she can talk about so much of the pain she has caused herself, yet she still doesn't seem to have a full understanding out it. But she certainly is more open and honest than most Performers I have seen. You can just sense that she is quite sincere about what she says and for all the crazy things she does, it doesn't seem to be about making waves and getting attention, as much as just doing as she wants and living a free life. And while I wouldn't suggest everyone cuts themselves, or lives life so free they scarify their bodies, I certainly respect how she explains it. Maybe it doesn't hurt that she is very beautiful too.

I was thinking that for a brief period of time people married for love, and made their choices based on that. Certainly not all people, but for a bried time in the West there was a romantic notion that you should love the person you will spend the rest of your life with. And as divorce rates have risen, and alternatives to marriage have become more commonplace, the value of loving the person you marry has seemed to slip away. It makes sense that if you are going to get divorced sooner or later anyway, or that fidelity in marriage just doesnt exist, then why not get something out of it. Oh and I am not talking about alimony. No, in this new era we have a new breed of arranged marriages and dowry, thanks to Television. Sure its better than marrying off your daughter for a herd of goats, and why not compete to marry a stranger for some money, then just get divorced later. But is this really where we want to go back to? It's not like an out and out Domestic partnership or cohabitation, where the legal and religious contract has been entered into FOREVER. I say hey make those arrangements. But when you enter into a contract before your community, your god(s), and your state, shouldn't that be taken seriously? Granted things happen, people change/grow. But just for the out and out sake of entertainment? My new idea for a tv show is couples who cant have kids, and they compete in games to win babies. Or the other direction, call it Orphanage Olympics, where say 10 orphans, aged 5-7(the next seasons would of course increase the age group) they compete to be adopted by a nice white couple in the suburbs who will ply their new child with toys and money.
Oh I am really onto something. The possibilities are endless.

Stayed home from work today. I really hate to miss work, not because I enjoy it so much, but because there is always so much more to do when I return. That and just the sense that as I am at home, things need my attention at work...I was watching AMC and they are advertising a special on Hollywood and the Muslim World. How Hollywood or rather American films create a certain idea or images of American life, values, culture, etc. It is a good concept, I will be curious if they do it well. I would like to see the comparison made between the objections that Muslims have to American culture and the objections that Conservative American Christians have about American culture. It is so easy for most Americans to wonder why Muslims, or anyone from another culture would object to having American culture shoved down their throats. Yet we have people in this country worry about sex and violence in video games, the media, music. Why shouldnt Muslims have similar objections? I can't imagine that any group of people wants their culture to become subordinate or diluted by another culture. And as it is impossible to just simply put up walls and prevent the spread of another culture, it is possible for each group of people to look at their own culture and determine if it truly represents who they are, and who they wish to be.

Voice is still shot. Just took some Nyquil and in a few minutes will be fast asleep. I didn't take any last night and didn't get a good night's sleep. Dreamt a lot and woke up every couple hours. Poor sleep is usually when I actually remember my dreams. Otherwise, I almost never do unless its one of a few of my recurring nightmares. But being nearly emotionally dead for almost a year or more, I dont have nightmares anymore. I wanted to focus on cleaning the garage again this weekend. I will have even more to do next weekend. I have already begun the preliminary search for an apartment. Time for bed.

Not feeling well today. All this week I have felt a sore throat developing and by mid Friday my voice was going. Against my better judgment, I went out with my friend to a BBQ with some of his friends in Irvine. Of course drinking was involved and during the course of the night, my talkative nature and the alcohol conspired to deprive me of my voice. My friend wanted to leave, and I was more than tempted to stay considering that a very hot woman came over, but as I was under the impression that she was the girlfriend of one of the hosts, I decided it was best for me to get home and rest. Of course on the way back to my car, Alex told me she was single. Oh well, she was smoking and smoking out. Major turn-offs for me anyway. So on my way home I decided to see where Jason was. He and a friend of ours were in Newport Beach, so instead of going home, I went over there to this nice lil bar we have been to before. It was packed with people. Lots of hot chicks though, and of course the usual HB/NB guys, the skater/surfer cool dude tude's with thier baseball caps askew. WTF is up with that anyway? I have never seen so many drunk chicks though. Total lack of control. One of which, came over and brought us some shots. Well ok she brought it over for Jason, but by then he had stopped drinking so it was left to me to be polite and drink it. Of course, she then found out Jason is a police officer and her attention was from then focused on him. So Tony and I had to talk about his upcoming move to Florida. Which was why we were out. Live it up before leaving type thing. Poor guy, I would rather risk the very occasional earthquake instead of the more common Hurricane.
Usually I lose my voice in Spring or Fall. This is something that tends to happen every year or so, since I was in junior high.

Woke up early this morning and went to the movies to watch The Hulk. It was showing at 9:30 am. I figured most people would be at church, especially with their obnoxious kids. I was half right. It was not that busy but there were still more kids than I would have thought would be at the movies that early on a Sunday. The movie was ok. I had no major expectations. It was longer than it should have been, and was making me angry at some of the story. It was interesting that Ang Lee used the comic book panels to tell the story. It was a nice touch. After that went to buy some more storage boxes and spent a little bit of time on the garage project. It really will take me the whole month of July to get it to the point I need it so that I can move easily. Then once I move I can really organize and sort through things.

mmmm BBQ. Had a nice lil bbq today for dinner. It's time for a new grill though. Im thinking when I move I'll buy the Char-King...."taste the meat not the heat" Anyway, it's not summer unless there is bbq and sunshine. Didn't have any beers today, as last night was quite enough drinking for me for a while. But in the midst of it all I had time to think of many things.

Some days it just doesnt pay to get out of bed.

What a week. This one has been dragging and filled with tons of mundane crap, as well as the usual nonsense from the higher-ups. Spent most of the week reading and taking my mind off of things at work. I will be busy tomorrow, laundry, going to buy some storage boxes and get an early start on moving. Our lease is up on September 1st, so Jason and I will be finding our own place. I Just hope we find one with a garage, it's so nice having my things out of the way. Will probably do some Father's Day shopping too. More than likely will get a tv tuner card for my dad's computer. Almost got one for myself, but that would mean another cable box, and there's not much point in that. Especially if I am moving. It's going to be a pain to move my desk. Not looking forward to that. Though it will be good to move to a new place and have more space. Ohh better go Fastlane repeats are on...and the second repeat is where Tiffani Theisen infiltrates a ring of lesbian robbers...need I say more?

So according to this news item I read on my AOL welcome screen, this woman in Florida wants to wear her veil for her drivers license photo. And she is arguing that her religion prohibits her from showing her face or having it photographed. WTF. So can I wear a ski mask for my next DMV photo? Seriously....W T F. And if religion is her argument.....I say fine follow your religion and follow it like they do in Saudi Arabia.....women cant drive.

...why do I even try...So I tell the corp pres what my concerns are and ask about the Money...and he says well if you are serious about the offer then I will have to think about it...WHAT! You dickweed Mofo. What the hell is that shit about? Its not like this was my bright idea. His lame-ass way of negotiating. He said "well whatever it is, its more than you make now". Well duh. But one dollar more wont make it worth my time. I could tell him that I would put effort into my new position, and that any amount of effort would be more than I put in now. Jackass.

Well I was officially offered the new position heading up an new department in the company. Monday I will give the pres. my answer, or rather begin to talk about money and the problems I already see, and pretty much know I will get stuck with. Oh I plan on giving him a list of my concerns about what I dont like about the department the way he wants it set up. There are so many pitfalls that he has built into this its unreal. And thats not even considering that for the first 3-5 months I will still do my current job as I train and supervise my future replacement(and thats assuming they hire one within...oh the next 2 months). I think I can imagine what Jesus must have felt like (oh and I mean this in the non-sacrilegious way)...I am given a task and I pretty much have no choice and in the end I know it will end bad for me. And we are also getting a general mangager soon, so everything in the headquarters will change anyway. I was just hoping to be around to watch it happen and perhaps climb up through the chaos that is bound to follow. But perhaps it is best that I will be placed in my own realm before that happens. Like a fallout shelter.

So Friday, I was dragged into another meeting with the corp. pres. and given the distinct impresion that this new department is going to be offered to me. Still no direct offer, which is good. But now its some kind of sick waiting game. Oh well. In the meantime, I have been getting organized at home. Might even buy another storage rack for the garage. I have to get more of those storage bins too. My dad came down to visit on Saturday, and then left today to pick up his cousin from NY. It's funny how different we get along now. I am happy about it. I do need to get away from work and spend more time with my family and friends, as well as time for myself.

Why do these things happen to me? I try my best to stay away from our corporate president and all of Thursday and Friday he had me sit in with him and some others to brainstorm for a new division. And from what he has said, he wants me to head it up. Which is the last thing I want to do. He changes his mind constantly, when he actually makes a decision, is hypercritical, and never fully explains what his expectations are. So anyone who takes a position directly under his control, especially that he has a keen interest in....those people always end up being draggd over hot coals, boiled in oil and subjected to his inane and pompous rants. Oh and after going through all that they are usually screwed over by him in some way. I have once before rejected one of these offers. And this will come with a bigger salary, so I may just have to walk the plank and hope for the best.

Time really has gone by so quickly the past few months. Summer is right around the corner. I am looking forward to it. I plan on spending more time going away on the weekends and taking mini-vacations. As well as going on a good 5 day vacation twice a year.

Surprisingly, my absence of recent blogs means that I have been busy and having some type of social life. That and what time I spend on the computer lately has been about burning CD's and listening to music more. Though I should also be doing some filing and cleaning. My desk is a mess. I would love to have a nice two bedroom apartment, then I could have an office where I could be more organized and have everything I need in one place. Which reminds me, I need to clean out some things in the garage. I can't find some audio tapes, and I want to convert some of them to WAV or MP3 format, before the tapes fall apart. Mostly music from old friends when I used to hang out with musicians and arty types. Seems like every weekend one of our friends' would be playing somewhere. As soon as I got into a steady relationship I skipped that scene and allowed my life to follow someone elses schedule and patterns. Something which I regret to a degree. But it was one of life's lessons, and I have always been pretty good about learning from them. I plan on spending this weekend getting more organized. That way I can really goof off more on the weekdays after work. Its so nice to come home from work and its still sunny out. Makes me want to go out after work, ooooh like happy hour....mmmmm beer.

Well, this week is over. Another short one too. I had a good time with my family over the Easter weekend. And had a productive work week too. Although I can't figure out what is going on in the world. SARS---Big deal. It hasnt killed that many people, and the media has everyone running around with masks on. Then we have Sen Rick Santorum....ugh where to begin? It's just gotten out of hand. The man obviously doesnt approve of homosexuals, yet he has to pussyfoot around and say he doesnt have a problem with homosexuals, just with homosexual acts. Hell man, just come out and say it. If you believe it, then say it. Just say, you don't like gays. Like I am going to say..."I have no problem with Republicans...just the way they act"...Hell, I dont like Republicans...Of course I don't much like these liberal Democratic nut-jobs calling for Santorums blood. The man was talking about the legal ramifications (no pun intended) of the sweeping protection privacy laws would allow. And when he was saying that allowing homosexual acts would also mean allowing bigamy or polygamy, adultery, or even incest, he meant that these are "traditionally" considered wrong, much as homosexuality is, and that socially they confilict with a society's norms that tend to promote and protect monogamous child-bearing marriages. And you know what? I say fine, who cares, if a man or woman wants to marry multiple partners, and everyone consents, go for it. I say if we are talking about situations involving consenting adults who know what is going on, have at it. And keep the government out of it. I have a feeling society is already falling apart and if that is the direction we wish to go, then so be it, bring on the Morlocks.

It's amazing that such a short week, turned out to feel longer. Got back from Mexico Monday, took half of Wednesday off and I have this Monday after Easter off too. Though I will likely be in touch with work as we open a new office in Atlanta Tuesday, and I am sure I'll be getting calls all day about what else they need. I am looking forward to spending time with family this weekend. Though I sure as hell would love to go back to Mexico. Still can't believe how much fun I had. Ahhhh memories. Well I could go on about that weekend. But I wont. Suffice it to say it was great. Now I have to plan going to Las Vegas this summer.

It's amazing that such a short week, turned out to feel longer. Got back from Mexico Monday, took half of Wednesday off and I have this Monday after Easter off too. Though I will likely be in touch with work as we open a new office in Atlanta Tuesday, and I am sure I'll be getting calls all day about what else they need. I am looking forward to spending time with family this weekend. Though I sure as hell would love to go back to Mexico. Still can't believe how much fun I had. Ahhhh memories. Well I could go on about that weekend. But I wont. Suffice it to say it was great. Now I have to plan going to Las Vegas this summer.

Ugh. Just checked my work email to discover more reasons to hate work. They are getting out of hand with their whole timeclock issues. It's sad. I asked my direct boss, the operations director for half day today to go to my best friend's graduation from the police academy and it was approved. Now I read some lame-ass email from our finance manager (a person who by the way uses the term "irregardless") telling everyone that verbally asking for half day doesnt do it. WTF, dont tell me, tell him. Get your freekin policies straight then move forward. People really piss me off. After watching my best friend begin a new career and take up serving the public interest, I really am motivated to get back to doing something more meaningful for work. Money just doesnt make up for making a difference.