I feel bad for Martha Stewart. Sure I think she is a bitch and she did do something wrong. But it's sad just how much she is taking a beating for this whole thing. And it's not just because what she did is wrong, and it's not just that she is stuck up, controlling and a bitch. A lot of this is because she is a woman. There are so many executives and owners of companies that are assholes, greedy, controlling etc. Who have done similar or worse things. Now she could have played it smart and acted sorry, played dumb etc. But she stood firm and confident and juries hate that shit especially in women. OJ walked because Johnny Cochran was a genius and flipped the script so that OJ became a victim. Hell why do you think The Passion of the Christ is so popular, we love victims. Now you have to be careful when you play the victim, it can't be overplayed because then you lose sympathy and seem opportunistic.
Obviously Martha knew better, as a former broker she knew the rules and what to say. But the one thing the Feds hate, and most authorities hate, is lying. But throwing her away for more than 1 year in even a Club Fed is extreme.
I am not some conspiracy hippie freak or anything, but if George W. Bush can LIE to the American people to make his daddy proud and fulfill some daddy-pleasing-following-footsteps-Freudian-thing by cooking the intelligence and engaging in unlawful warfare causing the death of American men and women, then will someone please tell me why he isn't in jail or being impeached? For crying out loud, Clinton gets a blowjob in the Oval Office and he's up shit creek. Bush leads thousands to die and is about to let a half-baked "democratic" Iraq run itself and no one other than a few liberals cry out.

But please lock Martha Stewart up, pull Howard Stern off the air, stop Siegfried and Roy from marrying each other. That'll create jobs and keep America safe.
Shit like that makes Michael Moore look sane.

Have I mentioned how much I hate my job? That place makes me feel stabby and shooty. Don't people understand just how stupid they are? That really is one of the most annoying things about stupid people, they are too stupid to know they are stupid. Worse than that, its that they feel the need to constantly remind me of just how stupid they are, as if I could ever forget. Don't get me wrong not everyone is stupid. There are some people who I deem to be almost as intelligent as myself, hell there is even one or two people I consider to be slightly more intelligent than me. And yes, I am aware of my faults and failings as well as the fact that I am not the most intelligent person on Earth. It may not always seem like it with my superior and self-righteous attitude, but I do acknowledge the greatness of others. Over the years though I have let my contempt for others really shine through. And while I am aware this can be percieved as being petty, I honestly don't care anymore. This anti-social attitude has been growing slowly over the years and I am more convinced than ever that I shall live in a hermit-like existence with a heart like C. Montgomery Burns. The only thing to save me will be the ghosts of hot models past, present and future. They will remind me of the love and warmth I used to have in my bitter old heart and I will wake up one morning a changed man and ask the chimney sweep outside of my window if the biggest goose is still in the window and when he says yes, I shall tell him to go fuck the goose and stay away from my chimneys.

That or I will go out and buy hairplugs and a sports car and pick up on women like Barbara Eden at PTA meetings. Do they even have those anymore?

Listening to music again helps keep me motivated. I am not sure why but I have always been very connected to music in an emotional way. I know most people are but I am curious if everyone is. You know how some people can't stand the sight of blood or some people get vertigo. Maybe people have different wiring when it comes to what stimulates them. And not just based on association, but on some biological level. I have great senses which I would jokingly refer to as being super senses or super sensitive. Certain sounds just drive me insane, like when people use a knife and it cuts the plate....I am pretty narrow when it comes to what I listen to.
I always tell people what an open mind I have, which is amazing to people who know me because so many ways I act are very narrow. Fish. I don't eat fish. I refuse to eat fish. But being the nut I am, I will eat a tuna sandwich. That's just one example. But while I may live my life in a narrow way, the mind is very much open. I usually explain like this-- for my mind to be open sometimes I must be very close minded. Think of a computer, if your PC had no spam blockers, no pop up killers, no virus protection software and no firewall would your PC be able to openly be on the Internet? Probably not for long I would imagine before it became infected with all manner of trash. Such is my philosophy for my picky existence. I am open minded enough to understand how someone can believe what they do, but not so open minded that I can become brainwashed either.

Although joining a cult would probably allow me to meet some easy women. But of course the cult leader usually saves them for himself. Rat Bastard.

Wow, Patricia Wettig was on Alias again, and damn her tits were huge looking. She used to be on Thirty-Something and now she plays a shrink for the CIA on the show every now and then. Of course that is mostly because her husband, Ken Olin produces and directs a lot of the episodes. After that it was time to watch some Dave Chapelle. That show is so funny. I love that Comedy Central makes more of their own shows now. Crank Yankers can be funny sometimes, and of course The Daily Show is pure genius. I wish more people could see it and appreciate it the way I do. Ah the world would be a much better place....

Ok, who turned on the friggin heater. We have had nice cool weather until today. Suddenly its in the high 70's. I had to find a pair of shorts to go out and get lunch. I haven't worn shorts since October. (which is an indication of how warm October can be.) It is supposed to be warm like this all week. Of course then I am sure it will get cool again. Just to mess with us. It really does feel like June or July. This heat of course makes me want to go out for summer fun and goof off. Of course heat like this also makes my sex drive kick in to overdrive. Something primal about the heat, even though it means sticky sweaty not neat clean sex. Then of course there is always showering together. It would be nice to have a big bath tub for that.
I also do not want to cook anything in the kitchen, ok so it's not like I usually do anyway. But now I just want someone to bring me something to eat. But I am trying not to spend too much money these days as I want to kill that last credit card once and for all. And I have to save my money for a little trip to Mexico in a few weeks with some friends. I actually was tempted to buy all 6 seasons of Stargate SG-1 last week at Best Buy. They had a pretty good deal, Save 50 bucks if you buy all six. But I can't really justify that as it is still on the air and I don't know that I would really watch them. But I do enjoy the show a lot. And after having bought Alias seasons 1 & 2, I feel more and more like it is worth it to have certain shows. Speaking of Alias, I am so glad there is a new episode tonight. It has been weeks. With all these Sunday awards shows and specials. I hope this means they will continue showing new episodes each week. After all I need my weekly dose of Jennifer Garner.

It occured to me today that I don't have a cool hobby and perhaps that is why I am not rich and successful. This morning I met my friend at work to pickup his car and follow him down to San Diego so he could have some work done on it. So my day included lots of fun driving down and back up the coast. Which I actually enjoy as it gives me time to take in the scenery as well as ponder lifes many mysteries. I do my second best thinking while taking such leisurely drives. My best thinking however occurs in the shower.
But I am off track here. So as I am waiting at work for my friend to arrive I see these other two people meet up in the garage in separate cars. They both get out and grab golf bags and pile into a third guy's van. And I realized hey, I don't have some kind of scheduled hobby/sport/socializing event that gives my life meaning and structure. I thought about how lots of successful people have these organized lives and part of that is to set aside specific time for such types of activities. Obviously it isn't the activity itself that generates or contributes to the success, it is the general way that these people organize their lives.

Now I have always known this, and have missed teaching for that exact reason. I miss schedules and planning things ahead. That kind of organization makes it easier to be more efficient in the use of the little time we have here. And it also doesnt hurt to lose a golf game to your boss now and then.

I find it interesting and entertaining to listen to peoples thoughts and opinions, even when I don't agree with them. Hell sometimes that's more fun. Usually I just nod politely, utter a few comments they want to hear to reinforce their demented thoughts and let them walk away thinking what a nice agreeable chap I am and how they should invite me to the next meeting with the Grand Wizard or the Queen Alien. Some repair guy today came into our office to repair our fax machine and I helped him carry it's worn carcass out to his car. He found it necessary to mention that he was in the Army Reserves and might get called up soon. A prospect that I find sad and most certainly wish him the best of luck. He continued telling me that his unit specializes in something that only 3 other units do, he declined to mention what that was other than "oh we do lots of things, right now one unit is directing traffic in the desert in Iraq so convoys don't get lost." Hmm I thought to myself, a specialty in doing lots of things. I let that one go and let him continue telling me that he doesn't mind going there, he did two tours of duty in Vietnam, one in the first Gulf War and Bosnia. But more importantly because he hopes that Bush gets reelected so that they can finish the job otherwise some other president will change things and get this, "we will be the laughing stock of the world, because right now they know we mean business and no one else was going to step up and do anything."

Being the expert at deception that I am, I was able to hear all this without conveying my sense of shock and disbelief. Other than the fact that Bush plans to withdraw our major presence by the end of June, well before the election and thus making that point moot. He actually believes that what we did with Iraq was right and worth the dangers our troops face. And he must also believe that somehow in less than one year democracy will take root and flourish in Iraq.

He certainly isn't insane or anything like that, he just has an opinion and world view that is different than mine. And that is what I really got out of it, aside from being afraid that more people think like that. It is helpful to know what other people think even if it differs from what we think. We have to live and work with people who we may not like or trust or agree with, but it's that basic ability to get along and move past those things that keeps us from slipping into some chaotic barbarous state.

Well Kerry has emerged as the Democrat to run against Bush and now things will really heat up. I can't wait to see how this unfolds. A lot of this will depend upon the running mate Kerry chooses. More than likely it will have to be a more conservative Southern Democrat to counter the Northern Liberal charges against Kerry. They should do pretty well with the issues if their team sticks to the economy with a sprinkling of the rush to war with Iraq. Bush of course hopes that by turning Iraq back to the Iraqis by the end of June that will make Iraq a non-issue. However, considering how premature the turnover of power will be it is very likely to back-fire when the country slides into chaos. The gay marriage issue will eventually fade away as the Republicans realize it's not a major domestic concern. Now we are finally hearing about "out-sourcing" American jobs abroad. We watched this happen in the 70's and 80's with manufacturing and now it is happening with service and certain tech jobs. Granted we can adapt and develop new jobs for a new economy, but we also have to stem the tide of our jobs and industries leaving the country.
There will come a time when we will need to have goods manufactured in this country and the people to provide services to also reside here. We have become a victim of our own success. Yet many Americans still don't have the kind of prosperity one would expect we should have. Living in SoCal, I can't imagine that I can ever own a home here. Unless I move to the desert somewhere and commute 3 hours. And I refuse to live to work. It is bad enough we work to live. I can't imagine defining my existence by my job.

How is it that a giving someone a simple ride home can end up in an evening at a strip club? It's like Gilligan's Island, what should have been a short little trip ended up with a long stay on a tropical locale, in this case the Hawaii Theater. I should have been home with a heating pad on my shoulder instead of having a hot stripper on my lap. It was my second time there, my second time at any strip club as a paying customer. I don't like to frequent such places as I have in my younger days dated and was friends with quite a few strippers/dancers. So I have never had much interest in seeing or paying for that kind of entertainment. After getting to know some of them, and seeing how they play the game I see past the illusions that seem to enthrall so many guys. As such I have a difficult time enjoying the show. One of the dancers last night had what looked like a wedding ring on and I couldn't help but to keep noticing it.
Really the best thing about the place is that they play Rock music. Though some of the girls lack the energy or skill to perform to the music. One of the girls had a body that was just out of whack and not in good shape, but she had energy and knew how to dance and work the floor. Then some young teenish looking girl comes out and looks so awkward and stiff I felt bad for her. Another dancer kept looking around the room and watching what was going on at the bar or towards the dressing room as other girls came and went. Nothing worse than to watch someone who isn't into their performance, whether that is acting, music or in this case dancing.
Ok, so I obviously have a tough time just relaxing and enjoying it for what it is. But these are the twisted thoughts that run through my head. I can't watch them and think about sex with them or fall for the illusion and lust for them like I am supposed to.
It's like watching that movie where they show you how they make hot dogs. After that you really can't eat another hot dog knowing what you now know.

It's raining and it sounds so good. Right now I wish I was sitting in a beach house on some tropical island listening to the rain. I can even smell how clean the air is. I have always loved the rain and will never really understand why so many people look at it as a bad thing. The 'weathermen' on the news always say things like, "And tomorrow will be a better day, with sun and no more rain". Screw you buddy, the rain makes a better day. I remember having my annual pass to DisneyLand when I was a child and when it was overcast and there was a slight chance of sprinkling or drizzle, we used to go to DisneyLand and no one was there, you could run through the lines and go on rides over and over. Even to this day when it's cool, overcast and looks like it may drizzle, I call it DisneyLand Weather.
Sure it's no fun to drive in the rain, especially in SoCal, where people do one of two extremes. They either drive faster than what is safe, or they slow down to some kind of paranoid crawl in constant fear of their tires going into a slight puddle. Put both types of lame-ass drivers on the road and we have a nice pile-up.

Well I guess I wasn't too far off. I am glad that LOTR won so many Oscars. Though I think everyone did get LOTR fatigue and the whole thing became rather boring because of it. Nevertheless, it was a worthy movie series.

Well another fun week ahead for me. Work has been so crazy that my eye twitch has returned. It really must be work, because at home on the PC I don't have it. How sick is that, I have developed a nervous tick. And for what? A job.

I really am sick of Billy Crystal hosting the Academy Awards. Why not have Chris Rock or Jay Mohr or Ben Stiller. Lets get some younger and better comedians. Ah well, let's see who will win. It's always interesting to me to see who should win as opposed to who actually wins. And the envelope please:
(The A's are my picks, the O's are Oscar's)

A-Best Picture: LOTR. Just for the fact that it made history being filmed all at once. No more George Lucas crap where we wait 10 years between each film.

O-Best Picture: Lost in Translation. It has the buzz, a female director and is a good movie. Master & Commander, please lets give Crowe a break from Oscar. Seabiscuit? Its too formula. It smells like inspirational Hollywood sap. Empty calories.

A-Actor:I'd like to see Johnny Depp get it for Pirates only because it was a very good character. But for full depth of acting ability, I pick Bill Murray. He should have received an Oscar for his role in Wild Things.

O-Actor: Tough one. But I think they will go with Bill Murray. Again the buzz. Sean Penn yah he's gained serious status over the years, Ben Kingsley another great actor, but who even saw this movie? Johnny Depp is a favorite, but the role was too light and fun. Jude Law, the movie had some buzz, but he's young and they would likely see him get one later in his career.

A-Actress:Naomi Watts for 21 Grams. Good actress.

O-Actress: Ugh, Charlize Theron is a favorite. It's almost a sure thing.

A-Supporting Actor: Benicio Del Toro. That guy is a good actor.

O-Supporting Actor: Tough one to figure out. Tim Robbins is a favorite, but they may want to give a nod to Alec Baldwin.

A-Supporting Actress: Marcia Gay Harden, she is a really good actress. Go see her.

O-Supporting Actress: Renee Zellweger is the favorite here.

A-Director: Peter Jackson. Again he did something amazing with this movie. It could have turned into a flop Willow-style. But it made gobs of cash, was fun to watch, and did a good job all around.

O-Director: Clint has won before, so it's not likely they will give him one this time, though winning before does make anyone seem more Oscar worthy. (It's like the presidential election) Sofia Coppola may just walk away with the Oscar for this one. It was a good movie, and again has the buzz. Jackson may be snubbed purely for the fact that the movie is a fantasy movie. Comedy movies dont win many Oscars.

As for the rest? Who really cares. Costumes and Sound and Editing and all the rest. Hey I am sure good work was done, but it's not exciting to me.

Another fun-filled evening has come to an end. Did the whole Newport/Costa Mesa thing tonight and didn't even have a lot to drink. Usually I do to take the edge off when being around that kind of crowd. I get suck a kick from watching people. Not in the lurking behind your bushes peeping through your window way, but in the "I am judging you with my eyes" way. I have always been an observer more than a participant. I enjoy watching things around me and learning about my surroundings and how it all fits and works. Not just the rain cycle or photosynthesis. But how does that old man with the walker look at the two kids on skateboards with tattoos all over them. And how do they look at or regard him as they almost knock him down in their oblivious Bill & Ted stupor. I think that the observing has made me a better judge of things and has allowed me to see what is likely to happen in situations. Though that over-thinking causes me to be very judgemental and on edge.

But as I get older and continue to reflect and grow, I become much more pleased with who I am as a person and the way in which I view the world. Although I am very displeased that I have to wait yet another week for the next new episode of Alias. I liked it better when the Academy Awards were on a Monday and in March.

Enough of politics, lets talk about something more fun and less controversial. Religion. So Mel Gibson in his desire to see his beliefs spread and upheld has created this movie, The Passion of the Christ. Smart move to get him into heaven, but it may damage his career in Hollywood. Nothing Hollywood hates more than convictions and the willingness to stand for them. Anyhoo there is some talk of the movie raising Anti-Semitism because of the depiction of the Romans and the Jews and their part in the death of Jesus. Putting the historical record aside as well as the inaccuracies in the movie...I have to wonder why it always comes down to the whole "Jews killed Jesus" thing. Think about it for a moment, Any Christian should never harbor any ill feeling towards any Jew. Even if you lay the blame on the Jewish leadership at that time, let's look at it from a faith based view. Traditionally it goes like this, God send his only son to preach the gospel to men, and to ultimately act as a sacrificial lamb to die for the sins of mankind. Part of this was that Jesus had knowledge of his fate and was Ok with it. So we get this whole predestination fate thing. Still with me? Ok so if the whole thing was known by God and Jesus, and was supposed to happen so Jesus could die for the sins of mankind, then Jesus was supposed to die. In which case, whoever was "responsible" for his death was just playing a role given to them and were acting out the divine plan set forth by God.

So why would anyone blame the Jews, or hate them for (possibly)fulfilling God's will?

Obviously their are other prejudices at work, but can't we put that one to rest yet?
After all What Would Flanders Do?

What a bunch of fraidy cats. Clear Channel Radio has annouced that they will suspend airing the Howard Stern show on their radio stations because of their fear of the FCC. What is happening? Did I suddenly wake up in 1984? And I mean that literally and literaturely (yes I know that is made up). Did Ed Meese become Attorney General again? What's next James Watt drilling for oil in Alaska? Oh wait that's already a current issue. FIX THE ECONOMY FIRST. BRING OUR TROOPS HOME SAFELY. Then go ahead and limit the rights of people who love each other to marry, limit the rights of free speech, cover the breast of a friggin statue, or whatever other wild hair is up the collective right-wing ass. These people need to learn to prioritize. Distraction tactics never fail to amaze me. Though not much is different from our first real (I say real because you can't count Gen. Washington's elections, those were freebies) elections to the ones today.

Whatever your politics, beliefs, views, thoughts, etc...Think what you want, vote for what you want, say what you want. But please take a long look at what you care about when you think of what it means to be an American. Where have we come from and where do you want this country to go. When I do, I look at the Declaration of Independence. The seed from which this country sprang from, based on the Liberty of the Individual. It makes me feel idealistic and hopeful. Sure I maybe a corny sap, just call me Mr. Smith, but I will be damned if I will turn my back on the basic ideals of liberty, equality, justice and opportunity on which this country was founded.

Ok, now I am pissed. It's bad enough when the Republican Christian Agenda is given so much air-time by the media with their whole anti-gay marriage crap. Which of course leads others to only push that much harder for the pro-gay marriage agenda. You have judges and courts, city government and state governments jumping in. But now President Bush is talking about involvement on the Federal level. And not just in regards to the Supreme Court, but the Constitution. I am and have always been a big fan of the Federal Government, I couldn't stand it when the Republicans railed against it in the 80's and even the 90's. All their bullshit about leaving things to the States. And now they jump in again and want to meddle with the Constitution for another phoney issue. Gay Marriage. They wanted Amendments banning Abortion, banning Flag Burning, allowing school prayer. I say phoney, because most Americans really couldn't care less.
In love with your same-sex partner, want to live together, get married, have the states change the laws and have at it. Now the legal profession can create a whole new specialty, Gay Prenuptial Agreements and of course to follow Gay Divorces. Lawyers must be loving the prospect. Who doesn't like the idea:
Some conservative folks who pull the old "God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve" crap.
Chrisitians and Jews and Muslims who view marriage as a sanctified union between a man and a woman. Yes news flash its not just Pat Robertson types.
Ordinary men and women who for whatever reason just aren't comfortable with the idea of homosexuality. And I don't mean hate mongers, just people like your Aunt or Dad or neighbor, maybe you or your best friend. It leaves them feeling uneasy, but for the most part they don't care enough to protest because as much as they may not like the idea, they acknowledge that basic fundamental idea of Live and Let Live.
And that is really the big issue. Not some pro or con. Just simply let consenting adults live their life as they choose in a way that does no harm to themselves or others. What could be more American than that?

If that means that 49 states decide that marriage will continue to be a union between one man and one woman (yes, Rick Santorum is a jack-ass but he made some valid legal points) then so be it. Everyone who wants to enter into a marriage with someone of the same sex will just move to that state. And more than likely the other states would follow suit. Maybe not all, but most. It has been 35 years since Stonewall and much has changed, just as much has stayed the same. But as other civil rights movements have shown us, fear, ignorance and hatred can do little but delay the eventual legal (and hopefuly social) acceptance of a minority.

Well, I just got back from the Hyundai dealer. Ah what fun. Hopefully this is the last time I will have to take my car back to them. But I doubt it, this whole thing has been one long nightmare....but thats a story for another time. I just want to drive it until it is paid off, and then maybe one year of no payments. Then trade in and get something more reliable. Or else perhaps just go nuts and buy another Mustang, either a new one or else a '68 like I used to have.
Oh and Hyundai's are decent cars, but their service sucks monkey balls. Yah the warranty you always hear about is cool. But when they don't give you a loaner or pay for a rental and they take nearly a month to fix your car....then big deal. Now you didn't pay for service, but you spend like $600+ for car rental.

So it's been a long freaking time. 3 months of silence. And now with a direct link to me it seems fitting that I at least update. This whole relating to people again and socializing may require me to get more into this. With my new and nearly free digital camera it would be nice to post pictures. Though I think that would mean actually taking them. we shall see. So work is the same. We have a new general manager and not much has changed. I was saddened by the lack of change. I was hoping for a take charge kind of person. But there is still the power struggle and drama to watch, so I will be more than entertained in the months to come. Still slogging through some books I bought a couple months ago. Currently reading about the Cathars, a very interesting sect of Christianity that was wiped out by the Inquisition in the 1300's. I dont think they were expecting......ah you know the rest.

peep

Well I am back after moving and finally having cable returned to my life. Although I have decided..for now..to keep the tv in the front room, and now I must choose between tv and the pc. I love them both the same, yet at some point every parent must choose. We'll see how long this lasts, I am sure I will eventually break down and reunite the two. The new apartment is feeling good. Nice and quiet and clean. I still have much unpacking and organizing to do, but it is getting there. I will also have to venture forth to the garage and begin to tackle all the stored items that need to be organized once and for all.