Thursday, June 24, 2004
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
What makes people tick? What forces drive and motivate people to be who they are and do what they do? I look at people all the time and wonder about these and many other useless things. My mind is always on, always running, it's a non-stop think fest here. If it weren't for my child-like glee at some really stupid things, then I doubt I would be able to enjoy life as much as I do.
I took my friend who has been giving me a ride home this week, out to dinner. During dinner we talked and it's always interesting to get to know someone a little bit better. He's the type of person that thinks but can do it without delving too deeply into things. Though he also says he has sleepless nights worrying about all the things he has to do at work. Which is beyond me. Other than the odd/rare dream that involves work, I never have lost sleep over it.
Sure the stress can seep into my private life now and then. But that doesn't happen too often. Especially with this job. I remember when I was in college and doing telemarketing, I would see the dialpad in my sleep. But I get that with video games that I play too often and anticipate playing the next day. So I think that is more or less some type of visual imprint rather than some subconscious worry/thought.
Yesterday on the way home, the boss was trying to get someone to give him a ride to the airport. He looked at me and I told him I was without a car and was getting a ride from Ed, so he said that he would have Ed take him. I told him, "yah you are good at finding other options." Which was a compliment as the man is always looking for ways uh, original ways to do things. I'll save that for my tell-all book. But then he said "sometimes there are no options." Which was not his way of saying sometimes you are stuck in life, or something profound. It was his way of telling me/Ed that we had no choice but to take him. So I adjusted my response to that accordingly to address the broader idea that there are no options sometimes, as well as his implication that we had no choice but to take him.
My response was that one of the greatest things I ever learned from a teacher was that there are "NO Have-to's." You don't have to do anything in this world. He disagreed, but I pressed on with "we make choices." He again disagreed and I had to remember that this is a man who enjoys the idea that he can make people do things, but also he doesn't believe in his personal responsibility.
And that is what I was getting at. We have choices, we make decisions. And those decisions and choices have consequences. Ed argued that we don't always have a choice, eg jump from a building and you have no choice about landing on the pavement. However that is a consequence of jumping rather than a choice. And without dissecting each action in the universe into choices, I was focusing on those things that we have power over. The things we can choose from. I choose to wake up and go to work every morning, no one forces me to. I choose to pay my rent. No one forces me to. Sure there are consequences, I lose my job if I don't show up, I get evicted if I don't pay rent. But some people do in fact make those choices and they have to make new choices based on those consequences.
It's about taking responsibility and owning your actions and choices in life. People who say they "can't help it.." or the old "oh I am addicted to blah blah, I can't help it..." Bullshit. Sure you may be addicted. You may have other things shoved onto you, but you choose your actions. Anything else is a cop out. It's an excuse to remain powerless and give up control of your life.
For people like my boss, it's a way to not take responsibility for their actions. To say they have no choice, they were predisposed, they were born alcoholics, they had no father....etc. You fill in the excuses. When I was teaching I used to push it back to the students who used the old, "I have to be here" line when asked why they weren't paying attention. I didn't accept that. They chose to be there. So I'd try my best to make them realize that. At the very least even if they don't change the behavior, at least own it. Make it yours, empower yourself to at least take control of your shitty decisions. Some people are given fewer choices, others aren't given the best tools for making decisions, but again, only one person makes those decisions.
And I'll be damned if some asshole thinks that I have no choice but to give them a ride to the airport. I can choose to say No and lose my job if necessary. But it's my choice. Short of sticking a gun to my head and really forcing me to do it. And even then, I could choose to take the bullet. But that is taking it farther than I would allow, and besides sometimes we may not have much to choose from to make our choices.
I took my friend who has been giving me a ride home this week, out to dinner. During dinner we talked and it's always interesting to get to know someone a little bit better. He's the type of person that thinks but can do it without delving too deeply into things. Though he also says he has sleepless nights worrying about all the things he has to do at work. Which is beyond me. Other than the odd/rare dream that involves work, I never have lost sleep over it.
Sure the stress can seep into my private life now and then. But that doesn't happen too often. Especially with this job. I remember when I was in college and doing telemarketing, I would see the dialpad in my sleep. But I get that with video games that I play too often and anticipate playing the next day. So I think that is more or less some type of visual imprint rather than some subconscious worry/thought.
Yesterday on the way home, the boss was trying to get someone to give him a ride to the airport. He looked at me and I told him I was without a car and was getting a ride from Ed, so he said that he would have Ed take him. I told him, "yah you are good at finding other options." Which was a compliment as the man is always looking for ways uh, original ways to do things. I'll save that for my tell-all book. But then he said "sometimes there are no options." Which was not his way of saying sometimes you are stuck in life, or something profound. It was his way of telling me/Ed that we had no choice but to take him. So I adjusted my response to that accordingly to address the broader idea that there are no options sometimes, as well as his implication that we had no choice but to take him.
My response was that one of the greatest things I ever learned from a teacher was that there are "NO Have-to's." You don't have to do anything in this world. He disagreed, but I pressed on with "we make choices." He again disagreed and I had to remember that this is a man who enjoys the idea that he can make people do things, but also he doesn't believe in his personal responsibility.
And that is what I was getting at. We have choices, we make decisions. And those decisions and choices have consequences. Ed argued that we don't always have a choice, eg jump from a building and you have no choice about landing on the pavement. However that is a consequence of jumping rather than a choice. And without dissecting each action in the universe into choices, I was focusing on those things that we have power over. The things we can choose from. I choose to wake up and go to work every morning, no one forces me to. I choose to pay my rent. No one forces me to. Sure there are consequences, I lose my job if I don't show up, I get evicted if I don't pay rent. But some people do in fact make those choices and they have to make new choices based on those consequences.
It's about taking responsibility and owning your actions and choices in life. People who say they "can't help it.." or the old "oh I am addicted to blah blah, I can't help it..." Bullshit. Sure you may be addicted. You may have other things shoved onto you, but you choose your actions. Anything else is a cop out. It's an excuse to remain powerless and give up control of your life.
For people like my boss, it's a way to not take responsibility for their actions. To say they have no choice, they were predisposed, they were born alcoholics, they had no father....etc. You fill in the excuses. When I was teaching I used to push it back to the students who used the old, "I have to be here" line when asked why they weren't paying attention. I didn't accept that. They chose to be there. So I'd try my best to make them realize that. At the very least even if they don't change the behavior, at least own it. Make it yours, empower yourself to at least take control of your shitty decisions. Some people are given fewer choices, others aren't given the best tools for making decisions, but again, only one person makes those decisions.
And I'll be damned if some asshole thinks that I have no choice but to give them a ride to the airport. I can choose to say No and lose my job if necessary. But it's my choice. Short of sticking a gun to my head and really forcing me to do it. And even then, I could choose to take the bullet. But that is taking it farther than I would allow, and besides sometimes we may not have much to choose from to make our choices.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
People never cease to amaze me. I was reading the news online today and noticed this article about gays in the military being dismissed. With so many reservists and National Guard units being called up you would think that they would stop dismissing people from the military soley based on their sexual orientation. Some time ago I was surprised that there was talk of reintroducing conscription in this country. So how does that work with not allowing openly gay personnel to serve in the military? Is this how everyone will be able to get out of the draft? The only bright point I saw in the conscription talk was that it would include women. Now for you ladies, allow me a minute and listen well....I grew up knowing that this country was involved in military conflict every generation. I grew up knowing about the draft for Vietnam and knowing that could happen to me one day. During the Cold War and the Reagan years, it was pretty scary growing up with either the prospect of a nuclear winter or else fighting Communism a la Red Dawn, which contrary to what some say, was a pretty good movie. So knowing I could be called to fight, but my sister wouldn't never seemed fair to me. I thought things were supposed to be equal. Then imagine turning 18 and having to register for the Selective Service on January 4th 1991. Yah days before we began bombing Iraq and Iraqi positions in Kuwait during the First Persian Gulf War.
Sure, now we know it was a cake walk (compared to other conflicts) with under 300 American lives lost. But at the time they were ordering thousands of body bags, there was constant talk about the well trained and experienced Iraqi Army that fought Iran for 10 years, and of course the elite Iraqi Republican Guard. No one knew how long this would last, or if they would need to reinstate the draft. It was a scary prospect.
So I say, if people are able and want to serve their country by risking their lives to defend it, then let them. Did anyone learn anything from the experience of trying to integrate the military in 1948? Black units fought with honor and skill and after nearly 100 years of having separate units, people realized that the bullshit racism that created all manner of myths about Blacks in the military was groundless. And even when some conceded that Blacks were capable of fighting, they still questioned the wisdom of integrated units. Making the same bullshit excuses we heard about women in the military and now gays, "oh it ruins unit morale and reduces their effectiveness."
People are people. End of story. If someone wants to put their life on the line, I respect that. And if you are in the same foxhole with that person, they had the same damn training and are there for the same reasons. Our military is built up of a diverse population and can handle differences among people. What matters is how they are trained to deal with those differences and how discipline is kept. And by that I mean preventing hate crimes, sexual assault, abuse of prisoners/civilians, etc. Do that and there won't be a thing to worry about. When bullets start flying the only thing that counts is who is on your side. And no one is looking at anyone's ass, they are too busy covering each others backs.
To me its about not having faith in people to be able to deal with their own prejudices for the sake of something more important. And in 50 years this will be another small step towards progress and will seem as minor as the controversial decision at the time, to allow Blacks into the same units as Whites and to share the same barracks.
Sure, now we know it was a cake walk (compared to other conflicts) with under 300 American lives lost. But at the time they were ordering thousands of body bags, there was constant talk about the well trained and experienced Iraqi Army that fought Iran for 10 years, and of course the elite Iraqi Republican Guard. No one knew how long this would last, or if they would need to reinstate the draft. It was a scary prospect.
So I say, if people are able and want to serve their country by risking their lives to defend it, then let them. Did anyone learn anything from the experience of trying to integrate the military in 1948? Black units fought with honor and skill and after nearly 100 years of having separate units, people realized that the bullshit racism that created all manner of myths about Blacks in the military was groundless. And even when some conceded that Blacks were capable of fighting, they still questioned the wisdom of integrated units. Making the same bullshit excuses we heard about women in the military and now gays, "oh it ruins unit morale and reduces their effectiveness."
People are people. End of story. If someone wants to put their life on the line, I respect that. And if you are in the same foxhole with that person, they had the same damn training and are there for the same reasons. Our military is built up of a diverse population and can handle differences among people. What matters is how they are trained to deal with those differences and how discipline is kept. And by that I mean preventing hate crimes, sexual assault, abuse of prisoners/civilians, etc. Do that and there won't be a thing to worry about. When bullets start flying the only thing that counts is who is on your side. And no one is looking at anyone's ass, they are too busy covering each others backs.
To me its about not having faith in people to be able to deal with their own prejudices for the sake of something more important. And in 50 years this will be another small step towards progress and will seem as minor as the controversial decision at the time, to allow Blacks into the same units as Whites and to share the same barracks.
Monday, June 21, 2004
Well the car is still in the shop. This time it sounds like the guy actually began to look at it. It's some lame-ass computer malfunction thingy. So I have a strong feeling I am going to have to end up taking it back to the dealer. So I was able to get a ride from a friend today and another one will pick me up tomorrow. Again, you just have to be grateful for good friends.
To thank my buddy who picked me up this morning, I bought him breakfast, which meant coming into work even later, but ask me if I really care. Thank my other friend for today's ride home, I bought him lunch. We went to this nice Peruvian restraunt around the corner from our office. The girl that runs the place is smokin' hot. I will assume she is Peruvian, but she is incredibly cute.
But a funny thing happened before we could go in. We had to park. Now this place is always crowded and we have had a few uh, 'incidents' before. So we are driving through the lot and this white car cuts us off and zooms ahead. We notice a guy getting into a silver truck and the white car is at least 3-4 stalls AHEAD of the truck and us. My buddy stops his car to wait for the truck to back out, and suddenly the white car has reversed and is motioning for us to back up so he can steal the space. I am just staring in absolute disbelief. After many years of parking on a college campus, you know that when someone is about 3-4 car stalls ahead, they have passed their opportunity. Well this guy was too important for that.
And he won't move, we wave him off, but he just sits there, switching to reverse every few seconds to scare us back. Now my buddy will not budge and meanwhile the guy in the truck is bewildered as well. He just wants to get back to work before his boss fires him, but he is just silently sitting there. So I said hell with this, got out of the car, walked up to the white car's passenger side and motion for him to move on. I am speaking rather loudly and he rolls down the window so I can speak directly to him. I keep repeating my mantra to him "you passed it, keep moving...you passed it, keep moving" and motion my arms accordingly. With the most feeble excuse he says, "no I was following that guy" to which I reply, "you passed it, keep moving." He wants me to ask someone standing behind us waiting for his wife, if they are leaving. Like suddenly he is being helpful and pointing out another possible place for us to park. I reply something to the effect that I don't care, repeat the mantra one more time and back off and ignore his further pleas. I throw in one more command, "at the very least move so this guy can go home.'
Walking away, he finally sees he will get nowhere with me and drives off. We park and go in to eat.
I normally don't do such things, but that was just too much. He didn't follow that guy, he didn't just pass him by one car stall. No way was I letting that kind of crap go. Especially when I am hungry and was looking forward to seeing the hot Peruvian girl again.
To thank my buddy who picked me up this morning, I bought him breakfast, which meant coming into work even later, but ask me if I really care. Thank my other friend for today's ride home, I bought him lunch. We went to this nice Peruvian restraunt around the corner from our office. The girl that runs the place is smokin' hot. I will assume she is Peruvian, but she is incredibly cute.
But a funny thing happened before we could go in. We had to park. Now this place is always crowded and we have had a few uh, 'incidents' before. So we are driving through the lot and this white car cuts us off and zooms ahead. We notice a guy getting into a silver truck and the white car is at least 3-4 stalls AHEAD of the truck and us. My buddy stops his car to wait for the truck to back out, and suddenly the white car has reversed and is motioning for us to back up so he can steal the space. I am just staring in absolute disbelief. After many years of parking on a college campus, you know that when someone is about 3-4 car stalls ahead, they have passed their opportunity. Well this guy was too important for that.
And he won't move, we wave him off, but he just sits there, switching to reverse every few seconds to scare us back. Now my buddy will not budge and meanwhile the guy in the truck is bewildered as well. He just wants to get back to work before his boss fires him, but he is just silently sitting there. So I said hell with this, got out of the car, walked up to the white car's passenger side and motion for him to move on. I am speaking rather loudly and he rolls down the window so I can speak directly to him. I keep repeating my mantra to him "you passed it, keep moving...you passed it, keep moving" and motion my arms accordingly. With the most feeble excuse he says, "no I was following that guy" to which I reply, "you passed it, keep moving." He wants me to ask someone standing behind us waiting for his wife, if they are leaving. Like suddenly he is being helpful and pointing out another possible place for us to park. I reply something to the effect that I don't care, repeat the mantra one more time and back off and ignore his further pleas. I throw in one more command, "at the very least move so this guy can go home.'
Walking away, he finally sees he will get nowhere with me and drives off. We park and go in to eat.
I normally don't do such things, but that was just too much. He didn't follow that guy, he didn't just pass him by one car stall. No way was I letting that kind of crap go. Especially when I am hungry and was looking forward to seeing the hot Peruvian girl again.
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