What makes people tick? What forces drive and motivate people to be who they are and do what they do? I look at people all the time and wonder about these and many other useless things. My mind is always on, always running, it's a non-stop think fest here. If it weren't for my child-like glee at some really stupid things, then I doubt I would be able to enjoy life as much as I do.
I took my friend who has been giving me a ride home this week, out to dinner. During dinner we talked and it's always interesting to get to know someone a little bit better. He's the type of person that thinks but can do it without delving too deeply into things. Though he also says he has sleepless nights worrying about all the things he has to do at work. Which is beyond me. Other than the odd/rare dream that involves work, I never have lost sleep over it.
Sure the stress can seep into my private life now and then. But that doesn't happen too often. Especially with this job. I remember when I was in college and doing telemarketing, I would see the dialpad in my sleep. But I get that with video games that I play too often and anticipate playing the next day. So I think that is more or less some type of visual imprint rather than some subconscious worry/thought.
Yesterday on the way home, the boss was trying to get someone to give him a ride to the airport. He looked at me and I told him I was without a car and was getting a ride from Ed, so he said that he would have Ed take him. I told him, "yah you are good at finding other options." Which was a compliment as the man is always looking for ways uh, original ways to do things. I'll save that for my tell-all book. But then he said "sometimes there are no options." Which was not his way of saying sometimes you are stuck in life, or something profound. It was his way of telling me/Ed that we had no choice but to take him. So I adjusted my response to that accordingly to address the broader idea that there are no options sometimes, as well as his implication that we had no choice but to take him.
My response was that one of the greatest things I ever learned from a teacher was that there are "NO Have-to's." You don't have to do anything in this world. He disagreed, but I pressed on with "we make choices." He again disagreed and I had to remember that this is a man who enjoys the idea that he can make people do things, but also he doesn't believe in his personal responsibility.
And that is what I was getting at. We have choices, we make decisions. And those decisions and choices have consequences. Ed argued that we don't always have a choice, eg jump from a building and you have no choice about landing on the pavement. However that is a consequence of jumping rather than a choice. And without dissecting each action in the universe into choices, I was focusing on those things that we have power over. The things we can choose from. I choose to wake up and go to work every morning, no one forces me to. I choose to pay my rent. No one forces me to. Sure there are consequences, I lose my job if I don't show up, I get evicted if I don't pay rent. But some people do in fact make those choices and they have to make new choices based on those consequences.
It's about taking responsibility and owning your actions and choices in life. People who say they "can't help it.." or the old "oh I am addicted to blah blah, I can't help it..." Bullshit. Sure you may be addicted. You may have other things shoved onto you, but you choose your actions. Anything else is a cop out. It's an excuse to remain powerless and give up control of your life.
For people like my boss, it's a way to not take responsibility for their actions. To say they have no choice, they were predisposed, they were born alcoholics, they had no father....etc. You fill in the excuses. When I was teaching I used to push it back to the students who used the old, "I have to be here" line when asked why they weren't paying attention. I didn't accept that. They chose to be there. So I'd try my best to make them realize that. At the very least even if they don't change the behavior, at least own it. Make it yours, empower yourself to at least take control of your shitty decisions. Some people are given fewer choices, others aren't given the best tools for making decisions, but again, only one person makes those decisions.
And I'll be damned if some asshole thinks that I have no choice but to give them a ride to the airport. I can choose to say No and lose my job if necessary. But it's my choice. Short of sticking a gun to my head and really forcing me to do it. And even then, I could choose to take the bullet. But that is taking it farther than I would allow, and besides sometimes we may not have much to choose from to make our choices.