Last week I began my first real class towards finishing my credential. In January and February I had to drop the online classes they signed me up for. January they didn't send me my login information in time. And then the class for February I couldn't find out when things were due or where the assignments were. It was ridiculous. So I told my advisor that I wanted real classes from now on. The current class I am taking is filled with a lot of theories and methods relating to Language Development, specifically geared towards bilingual education and working with English Language Learners.
It is pretty interesting and informative. But there is a lot of work to do in the space of roughly 25 days. So I have been a little stressed about it. Plus I have been vacillating between the teaching career path and some private sector money making path. It's the old argument of being a teacher and doing what I enjoy and have passion for, but earn little money, or else struggling to build a corporate driven career that will allow me to make money and buy a home, but likely feel miserable.
And if those pressures were not enough, ever since this class started, in addition to the stresses mentioned, I have the added strain of not getting one night of decent sleep. I keep remembering my damned dreams and nightmares. Part of it is the stress from taking a class, part of it is dusting off my neurons and activating my brain, which causes more dreams, but worst of all it is dredging up old memories that I thought I had put behind me. However, since I am moving into teacher mode and trying to recover my teaching mindset, I associate it with the last time I was taking classes and the last time I was teaching. Yes my good old days in Fresno. And by association, my ex. The funny thing is it's not feelings, it's just memories and of course dream like situations.
I am the type to look back and see turning points, and I keep playing some out in my head as I sleep. Oh, If only I did such and such or I should have...blah blah.

Hopefully that will pass, but the stress is bugging me. I am glad that my mind is active to this degree again. I have always continued to read and educate myself, but this is different and I do feel better. So I am focusing on the positive aspects and my immediate goal is to finish two classes and look into getting an emergency credential so I can quit my job anytime I want.

That sense of freedom will be good to have.