December is here and with it comes all types of images, feelings and expectations. It is cold enough again that I use the mini wall heater in my room at night and in the morning. The sweatshirts, pullovers and longsleeve thermal shirts are back in my dresser. Even when I sneak out of work before 5pm, I get home and it's dark out. Which doesn't make me feel all that much like running errands on the way home. The weeks will pass quickly as we near Christmas and I have to think about shopping for gifts.
I see decorations and get a little homesick for the good old days. I remember big Christmas parties with our entire family for many years. Images of my mom making punch with lime sherbert, my dad mixing drinks for my uncles, my sister and I playing with our cousins and getting gifts from our grandparents.
As I have gotten older, I miss that more and more. The day loses it's magic with age. Moreso without a wife, children and a house of my own.
As my fourth Christmas with my current job approaches, I realize how much I miss winter break, both as a student and a teacher. Not having to ask someone for time off. Not wondering how many days vacation/PTO you have left and weighing that against time with my family.
And after that, it's the New Year, and right after that, my 32nd birthday. I never thought such a thing would be possible. By age 33 my father had a wiffe, 2 children and a house as well as a job that he would stay with until his retirement over 25 years later.
The ghost of Christmas future visits me often this time of year.

Sometimes people are too close to something to be able to see things clearly. Other times people are too far away to be able to notice the details. No perspective is perfect, but those who want a clear picture will move forward or step back as needed.

I was talking with two guys at work, both of whom were in the United States Marine Corps. We were talking about this incident in Fallujah where a wounded Iraqi fighter was shot in the head in a Mosque. Some call him a prisoner because the day before, the Mosque was cleared and 5 wounded men were left for a follow up detail of Marines to take care of them. However, it is not fair to call the dead man a prisoner as he had not yet been detained, guarded or processed.
Regardless of that, an apparently unarmed and wounded man was killed in a holy place. And that kind of thing is the last thing we need to happen, let alone become publicized. But my coworkers were more bothered by the publicity rather than the actions.
If the guy was faking being dead then fine, the Marines shouldn't take a chance. And war is an ugly business. But our latest stated goal being there is to bring Freedom and Democracy to Iraq. Shooting unarmed and wounded men is not the best way to achieve that. And war being ugly and violent, should still be fought according to a certain set of rules, a code of honor if you will. If not for the sake of those we fight, than at least for the sake of those who fight for us.
Abusing prisoners, shooting the unarmed or the wounded, or detaining people indefinitely with no legal recourse are all anathema to our stated cause and to the principles that this country was founded upon.
This is the shit that tore the American people apart during Vietnam. We want and need to be the good guys. It is part of our national self-image. Part of that is also the ass-kicking cowboy. But the cowboy in the white hat. That's where Bush lost almost half of this country. The actions we take around the world are viewed around the world, and believe it or not, the world wants us to be the cowboy in the white hat.
And whatever the circumstances of this incident, as much as it may at first add more dirt to that white hat, our willingness to expose that, our willingness to investigate such incidents is something that we are also fighting for. In most of those movies, it was the small town newspaper printer who spoke the truth about the man in the black hat. That printer with the glasses and the visor who championed truth and justice, only to be killed or have his place torched. And that's when the man in the white hat would be spurred into action by the sacrifice of those who speak the truth, no matter the cost.
So let the truth be told and what will happen, will be.

Music. That's what has been missing and contributed to my bloglessness.

Right now I am listening to this song, that fills me with an almost blank emotion, makes me wish I could get in a fast and comfortable car with a good sound system, and drive down an empty highway across space and time, through long distances and remember the past and across endless roads and dream of the future all in one ceasless unending drive, blankly driving, oblivious to all around me and yet absorbing it all in, it fills me with inspiration and worry, woe and joy, fear and hope, like a swirling vortex, a hurricane with a calm center. And that is what I want to be, a hurricane of outside action and inner peace.

Well I have removed the Vote for Kerry link. And I couldn't have picked a better day, more fighting in Fallujah, the Alaskan Oil Reserve has been opened up, and Colin Powell, probably the only person in the Bush Administration with any sense, has (unfortunately Or not) resigned. It was a matter of time, how much more could he stomach. It's bittersweet really. I mean here is this very loyal man with a strong sense of what the country should be doing, yet he can't speak up and by all accounts, when he does, he is treated with disrespect and pushed aside in favor of the Chicken-Hawks.
It would have been nice if he resigned in protest a few years ago. Or in some deluded way, some of us would like him to stay and be the voice of reason. Yet that certainly seems so futile, that it would only further crush his spirits.
And to top it off the talk is that Condoleeza Rice, Bush's biggest lackey will replace him. Anyone in the intelligence community that was in charge either during 9/11 or the invasion of Iraq should NOT be allowed to move up, hell she should have resigned along with former CIA Director George Tenet. And Take Rumsfeld with her.
This would be the ultimate of stupid moves for Bush. No world leader could possibly respect her knowing her position as a yes man. And hey, I don't care, the position is called yes man even if you are a woman.
Amazing.
Just wait until he starts appointing Supreme Court Justices. Thats when the real fun begins.

I could talk about the election, but what is there to say that hasn't been said, or that would make a difference. I guess that's one of the reasons I have been so quiet lately. So much to say and just no way to get it all down.
It's getting colder here and I bought this nice fleece blanket from Linen N Things for $9.99. So that should keep me pretty warm as I sit here and ponder my existence. I have committed to going back to school and furthering my educational goals. First class starts in January. So I'll see how things go and it'll feel good to move forward in that direction. I have also started a side project with a friend and that is gaining momentum. Lots of things to help me forget about work and remember it's really all about me. And if it's not all about me, well then it should at least be all about you.

So I have been getting more and more burnt out by work. Which is leaving me tired and exhausted before I even think about heading home. But it has spurred me to begin other creative ventures, and to go back to school. A lot of this will require me to be much better at time management than I have been the past few years. But the more I have on my plate, the more I tend to stick to schedules I make to ensure that I can get everything accomplished.
One of the things I have to do is set the expectation at work, that because of certain issues there, that I will be going back to school and that my time is limited to certain hours. No more working past the 8 hours that I only get paid for. I have invested far too many spare hours and extra thought and energy to that place. Time that would have been much better spent on my own future.
I have been listening to a lot more music the past two weeks. I purchased an MP3 player far below the usual list price. At times I wish I could just walk around all day with my own soundtrack playing as I have to deal with people. That must be one of the first signs of some form of mental illness. Oh and if you check out the link for the mp3 player, take a look at that girls ass. That would sell anything. I like that I can listen to the radio too. And it has a slot for expandable memory.
So having finally paid off my credit cards, I have been buying a few toys. But have still been finding the best deals possible. Now I can begin to save money and invest it so I can pay off my future school loans. Or should some miracle occur, be able to afford property in Southern California.

What can I say, the past few months I just haven't been in a blogging mood. One post each month is pretty sad. I could ramble on about the vice presidential debate, but while I watched it, I have been too busy looking for a new cell phone. People who know me know that I like technology, but I don't have to have the latest or cutting edge. My motto is you usually bleed with cutting edge, as in pay a premium. So I was looking at this phone at ATT, who is my current carrier. But I wanted more information on the phone so I checked out this same phone on the Nokia site. Imagine my surprise to find I can save about $200 dollars and still get the same plan and phone. For anyone looking at getting a new cell phone or service, be sure to check out the same phone through the manufacturer for better deals.

Work has been pretty crazy during the month of August and has sucked up most of my time and energy. But I spent this past weekend with a close friend and existed in a state of bliss and relaxation that was well deserved and well overdue. Now I feel energized and renewed, ready to tackle things head-on at work and make other plans as well.
Of course I have also been keeping up with the political scene, and with all the latest bullshit from the Republicans, it's been a wonder I haven't been ranting much lately. But I have had very little time or inclination to commit my thoughts to anything other than a few quick screams.
This weekend I am taking a trip to Arizona to visit family as my Aunt and Uncle are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. Normally I skip such events, but the past couple of years I have had this growing desire to spend more time with my family. Especially the ones I never see that live in AZ. So it should be a good time. It will be hot as hell and after the beautiful weekend I just enjoyed, I am not looking forward to crappy weather.
I do plan on watching Bush jr. speak tomorrow night, as I have been watching the convention this week, I wouldn't want to miss seeing what crap he has to spew forth.
Anyhoo, more to come.

And so the crap begins again. Does it ever really stop? Now we have a group of people disputing Kerry's war record and his service in Vietnam. Thank the gods that there are still Republicans, with a sense of honor and integrity to speak out against such crap. Senator John McCain has stood up for what is right and decent more times than any other Republican I can think of. Here he is speaking out about the latest crap regarding Kerry's Vietnam record and here he is speaking out against the constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriages. Of course he doesn't relish the idea of gay marriages, but he has the brains to know that it wouldn't be the end of the world and it certainly doesn't warrant changes to the constitution.
While all the talk of McCain as Kerry's vice-president was just pie in the sky kind of talk, it just shows how acceptable he is to most Democrats and centrists.
And the Republicans are continuing to stoop to new lows when it was announced that Alan Keyes and Andre Grubb Barthwell were picked to run against the Democrats new rising star Barack Obama in the race for Senator in Illinois.

"These two were selected because of their strengths, not because of their
color," said state Sen. Dave Syverson, a member of the Republican State Central
Committee. "Voters are smarter than that. That clearly wasn't the intent."

Oh, no they wouldn't do anything like that. But then how do they explain that Alan Keyes, lives in MARYLAND not Illinois,

Keyes ran unsuccessfully for U.S. Senate twice from his home state
of Maryland and sought the Republican presidential nomination in 1996 and 2000.
He has never lived in Illinois but under state law would only have to take up
residence by Election Day, November 2.

No, they didn't pick these two because they are African-Americans. That would be like Thurgood Marshall stepping down as a Supreme Court Justice and then the Republicans deciding to appoint an African-American to take his place. Nah, people would see through that. That wouldn't be their intent. For crying out loud, no matter who wins we have only the FIFTH time that an African-American becomes a Senator. That's mighty big of the Republicans to help make history. But as we have seen with most of the African-Americans that the Republicans support, they step in line just like anybody else. Some may see it in terms of Uncle Tom, but you know what, I think it's actually a positive step when a Colin Powell or a Condoleeza Rice has the opportunity to become a Republican. They have as much a right to agree politically with Republicans as any other person.
The idea that one party owns one gener, race, religion, ethnic group, etc. is bullshit. If anything it leads to complacency. The parties should always be competing for our votes. We have a two-party system, yes Mr. Nader for better or worse, the harsh reality is, it's a two-party system....and with a two-party system, so long as they both compete for the same demographic, we the people win. It's when they give up on certain groups that things actually get rough.

John Kerry more than exceeded my expectations tonight. Prior to his speech, I was going to vote for him as the Anti-Bush candidate, but now I will be voting for John Kerry the candidate. He hit all the points, and refuted a lot of the tax and spend liberal crap we are always fed by the media and the right. He did a good job of continuing with the Democrats message of returning America to its greatness here and abroad and of being the party of inclusiveness and optimism. It was brilliant really the way that Kerry used Bush jr's message of returning integrity to the White House against Bush. He took off the gloves, threw down the gauntlet and threw a few jabs, but kept it pretty civil and challenged Bush to do the same, knowing that Bush won't.
       The Vietnam service thing is getting old, but then again, he wouldn't need to trot that pony out so often if the Republicans weren't always calling into question the patriotism and courage of Democrats all the time. So just remember that as you hear the whole boat and captain thing and think how many times Democrats/Liberals are portrayed as wimps. Thank the gods, Clark was able to get in there and kick some ass too.
        The optimism and belief in progress and building a better future are good messages and attitudes that will inspire people to get up and vote.  This was a remarkable convention in just how strong the themes were and how effective they addressed some issues that usually haunt Democrats. The fact that people like Barack Obama and John Kerry did their best not to attack Republicans, but rather specific people or ideas may be derided by some as too centrist. However I think in the long run it may do what Reagan did and this time around instead of Reagan Democrats, we may just have some Kerry Republicans.
          When I think of Bush and the direction he will lead us, I feel demoralized. But when I hear speeches like those given this week, I am lifted and energized with a feeling of hope for this country and it's people.  There just may be a way out of this mess and we can get back to living with hope and pride not fear and hatred.
       If I sound like I have been brainwashed, then just watch some of the speeches and think about how much better things will be if Bush goes on permanent vacation.

I love this. Hearing speeches that stir the soul and fill me with energy and hope for America. Tonight was no different than yesterday, this time it was the keynote speech delivered by a man who quite possibly will become the biggest rising star in politics, Barack Obama. If you didn't hear him tonight you missed something great, Frank Capra could not have created a better scene. But don't think that means this was artificial, it was very clear that Barack speaks from the heart. Read this speech and you will see what I mean.
       Did you read it yet? You will be hearing a lot about him over the next few days and the speech he gave.  If I didn't have such a good memory I might have forgotten that anyone else spoke tonight. Ron jr. spoke about stem cell research and kept it very bipartisan except for the final implied message to vote for Kerry.  I wonder who if anyone has even mentioned the name Bush? Seems they all refer to him without mentioning him. Sensible of course, but still odd.
       Teresa Heinz Kerry spoke at length about her husband, John Kerry but she focused more on policy than personality.  But she also painted a picture that has become the theme for this convention, that Democrats want to restore America to it's position as the role model and hero of the world, not the bully or greedy fat cat.  Again and again the speeches recall the greatness of America and the ideals for which we should truely fight for.  It seems to be successful and a brialliant way to energize lapsed Democrats.  A call for Democrats to not be ashamed to be called Democrats, or even use the dreaded "L" word.  Liberalism is one of the great foundations of this nation, the root word is liberalis which means free.  Some of the definitions :

1. broad-minded: tolerant of different views and standards of behavior in others
2. politics progressive politically or socially: favoring gradual reform, especially political reforms that extend democracy, distribute wealth more evenly, and protect the personal freedom of the individual
3. generous: generous with money, time, or some other assetMy great-aunt was liberal in her bequests.
4. history of political liberalism: relating to a political ideology of liberalism
liberal person: somebody who favors tolerance or reform
[14th century. Via French from Latin liberalis , from liber  “free” (source of English liberty).

Doesn't sound bad to me.

 

WOW. That's just incredible, Jimmy Carter just kicked ass with his speech and came out swinging at Bush jr. and the rest. Not only in his speech but in his post-speech interview with Jim Leher on PBS.
       And the Clintons, WOW. They kicked ass too.  They weren't negative for the most part. They were optimistic and forward thinking as they always have been.  I have always loved listening to Bill Clinton's speeches.  Sure they can drag on, but he is damn good.  If you didn't catch his speech, you missed him at his best. He pointed out that he is now a millionaire and how tax cuts help him and people like him, but that most Americans end up paying for it.  Pure genius he is doing what I keep wishing Kerry would have done, point out you are rich. Don't move away from it. Embrace it, but make it the reason why you dedicate yourself to public service.  To give back to America, to not take a tax cut, because hell you can afford to pay an extra $2,000 in taxes but the guy who makes $35,000 a year can't afford to.
     I get so jazzed about politics when their are good politicians out there to watch. I have been looking forward to this fight for a long time now. This election and the summer Olympics are the two things I am excited to watch this year.
      Carter is right and so is Clinton, this is a great country and we deserve leaders who keep it great. Not leaders who sully the ideals that this nation was founded on.  We need to lead by example as any real leader does.
     This should be one hell of an election.

I really need to get a job as a movie critic, just so I can stop paying to go see a movie just about every weekend. I saw The Bourne Supremacy today, and I was very surprised with how good it was. Much better than the first. Though they still pale compared to the books. But taken for what they are, the movies are fun to watch. I appreciated that the movie didn't get into too many double-cross issues. Though one or two things didn't make much sense, but characters are never as bright as me. Besides the story, it was nice that so many of the previous cast came back, it lent the film a sense of continuity that is often lacking in sequels. Just think of Batman and you will know what I mean. The movie also had the same feel and look as the first, including using Moby's Extreme Ways for the title track again. Hey if it works, it works.
I went out to find the books but I couldn't find The Bourne Identity at Barnes & Noble, so I figured maybe next weekend I'll scour some used bookstores I know. The last time I read them was in college. I started reading Ludlum in high school and continued into college, usually checking them out of the library as a reward for reading books for college. I do miss all that stage of my education involving research and looking at old books in the library.
Anyway, now I have my mind set on becoming the next Gene Shallot.

Well the endless car fun just keeps me so aggravated.  I took the car to a different mechanic after the smog check place took two weeks just to not find the problem and then of course didn't reconnect my alarm...So I asked this other place to check it out and he couldn't find the problem unless its a problem with the car's computer. So he told me that he "pulled some strings" and now I am all set.  Well except the problem still exists, though now I at least get my car registered.  Oh and I asked him to check the alarm, and he said sure, but when I got the car, only the keyless entry works, not the alarm or the audible chime when you leave the keys in or you take off your seatbelt.....So I have to go back to the original smog check place and yell at that guy to fix the alarm that he disconnected in the first place.
     Then it's back to the guy who put the new alternator in back in February, because that is making a grinding noise.
      All this has me hunting around online for a new car. I will end up losing money on this one when I trade it in, as I still owe.  But I am looking at a few different cars right now.  Though I suppose someone could always buy me this and make me very happy.
 

Mmmmm Beer......So obviously it is time for a serious look at the need for prison reform not just in Iraq but here at home.  If it's not severe abuses by guards or guards betting on prison fights, or being bribed to allow drugs into prisons or allowing prisoners to rape and kill each other....then we have to deal with complete incompetence of a 7.5 on the Barney Fife scale.  The thing that I find most funny about this case is that the guys came back to jail.       I wouldn't punish these guys. The officials at the jail should be punished for allowing them to escape.  No to mention not even having enough orange jumpsuits to go around.  And what ever happened to the good old black and white striped prison clothes?      Ahh....Forget it. Meanwhile yuckkkkk Nachos?? .......Seriously man, what were you thinking? The sad thing is you can just imagine Bush envying these guys for all their fun times he gave up when he quit drinking and snorting.

It's amusing to me when people forget that there have always been at least 2 Americas. How many times have you heard about how this country was founded for religious freedom and the colorful happy tale of the Pilgrims and how Thanksgiving was the start of a new nation. Put aside the myths of religious freedom and the whole happy family Thanksgiving crap and let's just look at the assumption that this was the birth of a new nation. Plymouth colony was founded in the late winter of 1620 by those wonderful folks aboard the Mayflower.
           Jamestown was founded in Virginia in 1607  and became the first permanent English settlement.  That's a good 13 years before the Pilgrims made their journey.
            Either way you look at it, both colonies were created for one basic purpose to make money for the King and the shareholders in the companies that were granted the charters to found colonies. Money.  Once tobacco was cultivated around 1612 in Virginia labor became a problem so we introduce indentured servants. Later of course slavery is established.
           Moving away from those issues, the basic fact is this country was established by people who sought to make money.  Charles Beard was one of the first people to examine the economic motives for Revolution in the colonies and while he was much criticized for it he was on to something. There is no denying that economics played an important role in fomenting revolution.  That isn't to say that human rights and a yearning to be free were not factors,  they were very important.
           It does bug me when people focus so much on the Pilgrims and ignore the economic motives that helped establish this country to begin with. Because those same motives play an important role to this day. Just as people value freedom and human rights in America so too do people value money and the acquisition of it. Even if it means trampling on certain rights and created indentured servants of a new kind.

Did the usual Saturday morning movie thing. I saw I, Robot and while it had some excellent action, it lacked originality.  The characters felt like lame copies from other movies and stories. Watch Chi McBride take Smith's badge from him and do the whole "you are a loose canon-take a vacation-and stay off this case" routine. Or Smith getting chummy with Bridget Moynahan similar to the way he and Linda Fiorentino did in Men in Black. It is interesting to note that in most movies the cliche is that they kiss or screw during the hate/love relationship. It is always refreshing when they skip that tired and unrealistic crap and stick with ending it with mutual respect for overcoming whatever problem exists in the movie. Yet it's interesting too that race may play a role in skipping the cliche. Watch the Pelican Brief and then read the book to see what I mean.    Other than a few robots and some futuristic cars, it lacked any sense of taking place in the year 2035. People dress nearly the same as they do today.  Watch any old movie that is set in their present day and you can tell what decade it takes place. Hell the Bill Gates-ish CEO is still wearing a tie. Everyone who has seen a movie set in the future knows that mans progress is based on the abolition of wearing ties.      Overall the story just didn't make much sense.  Hell they go for a cheap joke where Smith is given coffee during his interview with Bruce Greenwood, when he says "sugar?" and ha ha ha Greenwood thinks he is calling him Sugar. But oh no what he really meant was do you have any sugar for the coffee. Oh my how original and hilarious. Yet what's this they pan to Smith pouring scoops of sugar into his coffee cup. A coffee cup that was right next to the sugar bowl on the serving tray from which he poured his own coffee.  Little things like that bug me. A homicide detective who doesn't notice a bowl of sugar right in front of him. And he wasn't doing the whole Columbo dopey detective routine. The director just did it for a cheap laugh. Though I don't think anyone did laugh.       The best part of the movie was seeing the preview for the movie Ray about the life of Ray Charles.        Save yourself the money and skip this movie, wait until it's on cable otherwise you will feel the way I do, I Robbed.

I have been engrossed reading The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett and have not spent much time doing anything else. My sleep time has gone down to about 3-4 hours a night now. This past weekend my sister and her fiance were in town and we spent Saturday in Manhattan Beach at my cousin's house. Her husband had mentioned the book at Easter and insisted I read it. So I took it and haven't wanted to put it down since. I usually get this way with good fiction. I used to go through this in high school when I checked out every book by Robert Ludlum. Then in college I discovered Dean Koontz and ended up buying everyone of his books. Even the crappy ones.
I may have to go back and get the Bourne series from Ludlum. I was disappointed in the new direction the movies have taken with the Bourne Identity and the Bourne Supremacy. If you read those books and then see the movie you will understand what I mean.

I should have a million things to say about the 9/11 commission's report and this new idea about suspending elections in case of a terrorist attack. But hell most people know what I would say about these things.
So back to my book.

So I heard about this comment California Secretary of Education Richard Riordan made to this little girl. At first I thought what a dumb-ass thing to say to anyone let alone a little kid. But then I read about all the uproar that has gone on over it. It's obvious to the mother of the child no harm was done, and it's obvious to most people he was trying in a lame way to be funny and do what kids do and call each other names like poopy-pants and smelly-breath.
But after reading more of this I am struck by just how low this country has sunk when the NAACP is about ready to protest because they mistakenly thought the young girl was African-American as did Mervyn Dymally ..."
State Assemblyman Mervyn Dymally was quoted in the San Jose Mercury News Thursday saying the child was "a little African-American girl. Would he (Riordan) have done that to a white girl?"

First thing we need to ask ourselves is who are the people with true prejudice/racism in their heart? The man who called a girl a names or the people who heard a girl named Isis was called names. The girl told Riordan that her name means Egyptian Goddess, which it doesn't, it's actually a proper name of an Egyptian Goddess, but the girl is six and her mom is named Trinity(read hippie) so let's cut the kid some slack. People who assume that because the girl was named after an Egyptian Goddess is African-American have more issues than Riordan does.

The second thing we need to examine is why in the hell would race be a factor IF the girl HAD been African-American? Does every single thing that happens to someone have to be based on racism? I am pretty sensitive to such things as racism and sexism, but I also have a brain that doesn't let me become some paranoid nut about it either.

The third thing that bothers me is that when it was assumed the girl was African-American the NAACP was poised to protest, but when hearing she was white, they canceled. Why? If the thing Riordan did was wrong enough to cause a protest why cancel it? Obviously the NAACP has a race based agenda, and that's fine, so it makes little sense to waste their time. But why did they jump the gun to begin with? And then show a lack of concern for the girl by backing off when it's found out she is white? A wrong is a wrong is it not?

Now I hope that there wouldn't be much of an uproar beyond the 'what a lame thing to say' if Riordan was let's say Treasurer of CA. But while this isn't the end of the world as some would make it out to be. Neither is it in the words of someone I overheard at lunch today..."blown out of proportion by the stupid NWCP, the girl didn't care..." Well my ill-informed friend it should matter that the person in charge of Education for the state of California would even in jest call a six year old girl names. That kind of behavior is not appropriate and shouldn't be encouraged or tolerated. Yes it happens, sticks and stones and what not. But it is a schools responsibility to foster a safe environment that is conducive to learning. Making fun of people, as much as I may love to do it, is just not what is needed in schools or even the workplace.

Well I had pretty much hoped that John Kerry would pick John Edwards as his vice presidential nominee. As I pointed out on March 3rd, Kerry would have to pick a conservative Southerner. And that is who he gets with Edwards. Republicans will try to paint them both as liberals, but Edwards is much more conservative though he has an large degree of Populism in his speeches. I am pleased that the choice has been made and we can stop this whole John McCain talk. The way that the media ate that up and kept it boiling is just beyond me. Anyone with enough sense to keep a toaster out of the bathtub could have seen that it was just talk and would never have happened.
John McCain is a good and decent man, a bit gruff at times, but very Republican. And with his rise in name recognition he wouldn't stoop to becoming a vice-president to a Democrat. It would make no political sense.
The news media are so consumed with ratings and spin that they just can't let go of the little things. And Michael Moore is right to call the news media onto the carpet for not asking more questions about Bush/Iraq. But what do we expect when huge corporations own the major news outlets. As mergers and FCC regulations governing ownership of media are loosened it is no surprise that this country is slowly losing it's "free press." The one thought that keeps me from despair over this is the growth of Blogs and other online ventures that allow anybody to speak out. And more people are speaking out each day to a wider audience. Of course if GE or CBS offered to buy me out for a vast sum of money, maybe I'd be more than happy to worry about Lindsay Lohan's dad getting arrested instead of wondering what Bush will do to keep his promise to fight AIDS in Africa.
But that's a big maybe, and even then I don't think I would want to have someone else dictate what I can or can't say.

Independence Day. Everybody has their own way of celebrating it. Some don't even celebrate it. I'll skip the debate over how best to celebrate secular holidays for another time. Since TIME Magazine came out with their articles on Thomas Jefferson, I have been rereading some books about the man and his ideas. Today marks the anniversary of the day the Declaration of Independence was issued not just to Americans, but to the world. Our Revolution was an extraordinary event and one that inspired many other people to rise up against oppression. I hope it continues to inspire people here and abroad to respect the rights of man and uphold the ideals that helped create this country. The most perfect thing about this country is that we allow for improvement, for progress. That simple thing has always made me proud and grateful to be an American. For any other flaws or mistakes our government/country may have, the idea that it is up to the people to make those changes is the very essence of freedom.

I wish I could say that Spider-Man 2 was a great movie. I really wanted it to be. But as much as they developed the characters, they just rehashed the same basic elements to the plot. Oh no Aunt May is in the clutches of Doc Ock, hmm last time it was the Green Goblin. Oh no Mary Jane is kidnapped by Doc Ock, hmm last time it was the Green Goblin. Oh another scientist has gone stark raving mad because of a failed experiment. Oh but he was a nice guy. Sounds familiar? It is. In the first movie they mentioned that Dr. Connors fired Peter, in this one Dr. Connors is ready to fail Peter. And of course they are setting the stage for the next one when Dr. Connors becomes the Lizard? Oh and of course for Harry Osborn to become the Hobgoblin.
The whole story line of aww it's tough to be a hero is such a copy of Superman 2 I just couldn't get into it. Plus the idea of gee Peter can't get involved with Mary Jane because then she'll be in danger is pretty weak when she is already in danger just as his damn friend. There is plenty of action, and the emotions run high in this movie. Though it makes no sense why he keeps unmasking himself. By the end of the movie almost everyone knows who he is. And since they keep using enemies that he becomes friends with before they become evil villains, it seems to pointless to even bother with a disguise.
They should also explain how he keeps from getting monstrous bruises all over his body, and put more of the scientist back into his character. Plus he and Harry should have had a talk before the end of the movie, and Mary Jane may have wanted to get her act together a little sooner than on her wedding day. It's just too lame for me to buy.
It's still fun and I enjoyed it, but it felt like the first one too much. Even Stan Lee again saving someone from falling debris and instead of a guitarist singing the old Spider-Man theme song we get a violinist. They should have just played the Ramones version of the theme they did a while ago.
Maybe I am just getting too old for movies to enjoy them anymore.

My brain almost never shuts off, it is in constant thought unless I can distract it with some external stimulus. Which is why I read so much, watch tv or movies, surf the internet, etc. I had about 3 or four posts worth of thought last night as I was reading the new issue of TIME Magazine, specifically the articles on Thomas Jefferson. I have always been a great admirer of Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson. I think I have always been drawn to their roles as the men behind some of our philosophy of American Democracy. Not the nuts and bolts of government, but the raw ideals that symbolize American Freedom.
It is funny though when you read about any of the founding fathers, because every author has their favorites, and usually that means they are very biased against who ever may have been a rival of said favorite.
Aside from the usual worship of Jefferson complete with the apologists who squirm with regards to Jefferson and slavery, and of course the ones who vilify Jefferson as some racist slave-monger who opposed the government and for no good reason also opposed Hamilton and his economic goals...there are those who can create a balanced view of Jefferson and put things into the proper context.
I liked the fact that TIME featured Jefferson, but I was concerned over some of the crap that kept creeping into the articles. A few of them were trying to draw Iraq and Bush into them for no reason.
Everybody has an agenda. The trick is to keep a sharp eye out and be aware of it.
I have too much to say on the subject of Jefferson, so I think I will go watch the Joe Schmo Show and relax.

Bush gets spanked by Chirac. And it's about time. Bush's arrogance is so firmly wrapped around his image that he can't help but draw fire for such comments. If Clinton or Bush Sr. or even Reagan had made the same comment, there would not have been any big deal. But because Bush jr. has made pushing people around his primary way of doing things, he has cast himself as the quintessential "ugly American." His cowboy image and his Christian moral certitude may win him votes in America's conservative heart but it gains us little with our Allies and only encourages our enemies to fight that much harder. Force-feeding Iraq democracy has only caused so many more of the people to fight something that they might otherwise have clamored for. There are times when pushing in one direction only causes someone to fight that much harder. It's like dealing with teens. Sure you can't be a permissive parent, but you can't be so strict and overbearing that they fight you just for the sport of it and to assert their sense of power.
The number one thing America has in it's pocket is our culture and standard of living. Sure we SuperSize more things than we should, we don't care much about Opera, and we gave the world Jessica Simpson. But our culture has such appeal to people that they emulate us and in tyrannical regimes, it undermines them and promotes democratic thinking.
Ugh. I do get so tired of seeing how much this Administration can screw things up.

Oh and WTF was Jack Ryan thinking? (not the Tom Clancy hero--and Ben Affleck's portrayal doesn't count) I mean dude you are married to 7of9 and your idea of "romantic getaway" is sex clubs? Isn't being married to Jeri Ryan enough of a sex club? Sure there are times when the club isn't open, but guess what, you are the only one on the guest list. What more do you need? People are never satisfied.

I don't care what anyone else may say, I think young killer whales should be tried as adults.

What makes people tick? What forces drive and motivate people to be who they are and do what they do? I look at people all the time and wonder about these and many other useless things. My mind is always on, always running, it's a non-stop think fest here. If it weren't for my child-like glee at some really stupid things, then I doubt I would be able to enjoy life as much as I do.
I took my friend who has been giving me a ride home this week, out to dinner. During dinner we talked and it's always interesting to get to know someone a little bit better. He's the type of person that thinks but can do it without delving too deeply into things. Though he also says he has sleepless nights worrying about all the things he has to do at work. Which is beyond me. Other than the odd/rare dream that involves work, I never have lost sleep over it.
Sure the stress can seep into my private life now and then. But that doesn't happen too often. Especially with this job. I remember when I was in college and doing telemarketing, I would see the dialpad in my sleep. But I get that with video games that I play too often and anticipate playing the next day. So I think that is more or less some type of visual imprint rather than some subconscious worry/thought.
Yesterday on the way home, the boss was trying to get someone to give him a ride to the airport. He looked at me and I told him I was without a car and was getting a ride from Ed, so he said that he would have Ed take him. I told him, "yah you are good at finding other options." Which was a compliment as the man is always looking for ways uh, original ways to do things. I'll save that for my tell-all book. But then he said "sometimes there are no options." Which was not his way of saying sometimes you are stuck in life, or something profound. It was his way of telling me/Ed that we had no choice but to take him. So I adjusted my response to that accordingly to address the broader idea that there are no options sometimes, as well as his implication that we had no choice but to take him.
My response was that one of the greatest things I ever learned from a teacher was that there are "NO Have-to's." You don't have to do anything in this world. He disagreed, but I pressed on with "we make choices." He again disagreed and I had to remember that this is a man who enjoys the idea that he can make people do things, but also he doesn't believe in his personal responsibility.
And that is what I was getting at. We have choices, we make decisions. And those decisions and choices have consequences. Ed argued that we don't always have a choice, eg jump from a building and you have no choice about landing on the pavement. However that is a consequence of jumping rather than a choice. And without dissecting each action in the universe into choices, I was focusing on those things that we have power over. The things we can choose from. I choose to wake up and go to work every morning, no one forces me to. I choose to pay my rent. No one forces me to. Sure there are consequences, I lose my job if I don't show up, I get evicted if I don't pay rent. But some people do in fact make those choices and they have to make new choices based on those consequences.
It's about taking responsibility and owning your actions and choices in life. People who say they "can't help it.." or the old "oh I am addicted to blah blah, I can't help it..." Bullshit. Sure you may be addicted. You may have other things shoved onto you, but you choose your actions. Anything else is a cop out. It's an excuse to remain powerless and give up control of your life.
For people like my boss, it's a way to not take responsibility for their actions. To say they have no choice, they were predisposed, they were born alcoholics, they had no father....etc. You fill in the excuses. When I was teaching I used to push it back to the students who used the old, "I have to be here" line when asked why they weren't paying attention. I didn't accept that. They chose to be there. So I'd try my best to make them realize that. At the very least even if they don't change the behavior, at least own it. Make it yours, empower yourself to at least take control of your shitty decisions. Some people are given fewer choices, others aren't given the best tools for making decisions, but again, only one person makes those decisions.
And I'll be damned if some asshole thinks that I have no choice but to give them a ride to the airport. I can choose to say No and lose my job if necessary. But it's my choice. Short of sticking a gun to my head and really forcing me to do it. And even then, I could choose to take the bullet. But that is taking it farther than I would allow, and besides sometimes we may not have much to choose from to make our choices.

People never cease to amaze me. I was reading the news online today and noticed this article about gays in the military being dismissed. With so many reservists and National Guard units being called up you would think that they would stop dismissing people from the military soley based on their sexual orientation. Some time ago I was surprised that there was talk of reintroducing conscription in this country. So how does that work with not allowing openly gay personnel to serve in the military? Is this how everyone will be able to get out of the draft? The only bright point I saw in the conscription talk was that it would include women. Now for you ladies, allow me a minute and listen well....I grew up knowing that this country was involved in military conflict every generation. I grew up knowing about the draft for Vietnam and knowing that could happen to me one day. During the Cold War and the Reagan years, it was pretty scary growing up with either the prospect of a nuclear winter or else fighting Communism a la Red Dawn, which contrary to what some say, was a pretty good movie. So knowing I could be called to fight, but my sister wouldn't never seemed fair to me. I thought things were supposed to be equal. Then imagine turning 18 and having to register for the Selective Service on January 4th 1991. Yah days before we began bombing Iraq and Iraqi positions in Kuwait during the First Persian Gulf War.
Sure, now we know it was a cake walk (compared to other conflicts) with under 300 American lives lost. But at the time they were ordering thousands of body bags, there was constant talk about the well trained and experienced Iraqi Army that fought Iran for 10 years, and of course the elite Iraqi Republican Guard. No one knew how long this would last, or if they would need to reinstate the draft. It was a scary prospect.
So I say, if people are able and want to serve their country by risking their lives to defend it, then let them. Did anyone learn anything from the experience of trying to integrate the military in 1948? Black units fought with honor and skill and after nearly 100 years of having separate units, people realized that the bullshit racism that created all manner of myths about Blacks in the military was groundless. And even when some conceded that Blacks were capable of fighting, they still questioned the wisdom of integrated units. Making the same bullshit excuses we heard about women in the military and now gays, "oh it ruins unit morale and reduces their effectiveness."
People are people. End of story. If someone wants to put their life on the line, I respect that. And if you are in the same foxhole with that person, they had the same damn training and are there for the same reasons. Our military is built up of a diverse population and can handle differences among people. What matters is how they are trained to deal with those differences and how discipline is kept. And by that I mean preventing hate crimes, sexual assault, abuse of prisoners/civilians, etc. Do that and there won't be a thing to worry about. When bullets start flying the only thing that counts is who is on your side. And no one is looking at anyone's ass, they are too busy covering each others backs.
To me its about not having faith in people to be able to deal with their own prejudices for the sake of something more important. And in 50 years this will be another small step towards progress and will seem as minor as the controversial decision at the time, to allow Blacks into the same units as Whites and to share the same barracks.

Well the car is still in the shop. This time it sounds like the guy actually began to look at it. It's some lame-ass computer malfunction thingy. So I have a strong feeling I am going to have to end up taking it back to the dealer. So I was able to get a ride from a friend today and another one will pick me up tomorrow. Again, you just have to be grateful for good friends.
To thank my buddy who picked me up this morning, I bought him breakfast, which meant coming into work even later, but ask me if I really care. Thank my other friend for today's ride home, I bought him lunch. We went to this nice Peruvian restraunt around the corner from our office. The girl that runs the place is smokin' hot. I will assume she is Peruvian, but she is incredibly cute.
But a funny thing happened before we could go in. We had to park. Now this place is always crowded and we have had a few uh, 'incidents' before. So we are driving through the lot and this white car cuts us off and zooms ahead. We notice a guy getting into a silver truck and the white car is at least 3-4 stalls AHEAD of the truck and us. My buddy stops his car to wait for the truck to back out, and suddenly the white car has reversed and is motioning for us to back up so he can steal the space. I am just staring in absolute disbelief. After many years of parking on a college campus, you know that when someone is about 3-4 car stalls ahead, they have passed their opportunity. Well this guy was too important for that.
And he won't move, we wave him off, but he just sits there, switching to reverse every few seconds to scare us back. Now my buddy will not budge and meanwhile the guy in the truck is bewildered as well. He just wants to get back to work before his boss fires him, but he is just silently sitting there. So I said hell with this, got out of the car, walked up to the white car's passenger side and motion for him to move on. I am speaking rather loudly and he rolls down the window so I can speak directly to him. I keep repeating my mantra to him "you passed it, keep moving...you passed it, keep moving" and motion my arms accordingly. With the most feeble excuse he says, "no I was following that guy" to which I reply, "you passed it, keep moving." He wants me to ask someone standing behind us waiting for his wife, if they are leaving. Like suddenly he is being helpful and pointing out another possible place for us to park. I reply something to the effect that I don't care, repeat the mantra one more time and back off and ignore his further pleas. I throw in one more command, "at the very least move so this guy can go home.'
Walking away, he finally sees he will get nowhere with me and drives off. We park and go in to eat.
I normally don't do such things, but that was just too much. He didn't follow that guy, he didn't just pass him by one car stall. No way was I letting that kind of crap go. Especially when I am hungry and was looking forward to seeing the hot Peruvian girl again.

I just got home after dropping off my car. I hate to leave work early to deal with car issues or anything like that. It just seems like such a waste. I don't mind skipping out early to go somewhere fun, that makes any flack you take worth it. But it's bad enough dealing with a car issue and then some jackass at work is going to give you flack for leaving work an hour early. Though the gods know they don't give you any grief when you stay an hour or two later. Funny how that works out.

Lucky for me that a friend at work was kind enough to follow me as I dropped off my car, and then took me home. All of which is out of the way as he has to drive down to San Diego and he would have been home by now if he didn't go out of his way. I said it a while ago, but finding some good friends is worth a lot of the crap at work.

So I re-read my post from last night thinking I should check to make sure I didn't slur too much. But other than using "shaked" their hands rather than the correct shook, I didn't do too bad. Of course I always want to go back and see if I also got too crazy, but hell with it. Think what you like. After reading that article in TIME about blogs I was disappointed that there was no mention of the First Amendment or any comparisons to the early days of the personal presses.
My knees ache, it tends to happen after much drinking. So I think I will take a nap and relax for a bit. That may just make leaving work early worth it.

Drinking loosens the tongue and the soul. Anyone who knows me knows my tongue is usually pretty loose anyway. I kept it pretty much in check tonight. Some of us gathered for a 'going away party' for this chick at work. Same one I asked out a couple weeks ago, who said yes, but was too chickenshit to just balls up and say no. WTF. Seriously just say No if you mean no. I am a grown man, sort of. And I can handle it if someone says no. But to say yes, then don't call back. C'mon. But I also knew better at the time. I had seen enough to know that the basics of honesty and honor, as well as common decency just weren't there. But I took the step anyway. Usually I don't mix work and pleasure. In fact it has been over 8 years since I last asked out someone I worked with.
Anyway, so this party was weak. I had fun up to a point and should have left at that point. Somehow this guy and I were stuck at one of the tables and the table next to us had the purses of a couple chicks we work with. Oh and yah chicks. So deal with it. Women they aren't. Hot chicks they aren't. I don't know, what exactly.
Anyhoo, so a buddy says lets go outside on the patio, and my nice guy in me said, aw shucks no, what about the purses. But the other guy in me, said "hey hell with them, it's been over 20 minutes and they have been outside chillin, so screw em, if their purses mean anything let them get them."
So we come back and everyone has moved, and the one chick I can't stand gives me weak attitude about the purses. She is too chickenshit to say anything directly, just like at work. She says indirect things, but I don't sweat it. I play the Fonz and just act cool. Cuz to hell with them or anyone else who expects me to watch their shit.
So we all chill and drink, have a good time. Talking to this other hot chick from work and her hot lesbian girlfriend and just having fun. Again, I have no illusions, I am at my talkative and superfriendly level at this point.
So a few people leave and somehow I get stuck on table duty again, as the chick I asked out is dancing with two other guys I work with. And I am just all alone. I am thinking how the hell did this happen? And it's getting late, I have to work tomorrow, I am not drinking anymore, and everyone else has gone home. So fuck it, I walk through the crowded dance floor, shaked hands with the 2 guys, hand the chick her purse and shake her hand as she gives me some bullshit look, and I am outtie.
Why do I even bother? My judgement and instincts said avoid this crap. Listen to it. Listen to it. My gut never fails me when I listen to it and do as I should.
So now it's just rant and listen to Seaweed, then off to bed.
And now I have to deal with car bullshit tomorrow and Saturday rather than drive up to see my dad for father's day. Don't ever buy a Hyundai or ask someone out when you know they are trouble anyway. Eitherway it ends in headaches. At least the car has a warranty.

I think the tide is beginning to turn against Bush jr. More and more it seems as though things are falling apart for the Bush Administration. Now Michael Moore has finally found someone to distribute his latest movie, "Fahrenheit 9/11" due out on June 25th. I think it's great that the movie is able to get out there before the election. Which of course is part of Moore's goal. At times he can be a little scary with his rabid chase of certain issues. It can even be very off-putting. But then I remember that at least he is out there saying things that other people just won't speak out about. Of course sooner or later if people will tune him out. I think a large part of it is image. But even if he were a clean cut guy who dressed decently, his message still makes some people actually think. And most people don't like to think. They like to be told what to believe in. Having to choose between different beliefs or viewpoints usually cause great anxiety.
Luckily Moore is not the only one speaking out. Retired General David Hackworth has the experience and credentials to keep most sane people from questioning his patriotism.
Of course everyone has their own agenda, and that is why most people just choose to stick to one viewpoint. On one side we have the "Reagan is evil" group and on the other we have that group that believes, as my roommate put it "Reagan shits gold and his farts smell like peppermint."
Nothing is ever just that absolute.
Oh, except for the fact that Bush jr. is a nutjob. That is just a fact.

Sometimes even I wonder why I watch half the movies that I do. Partly I think it is just a quest for knowledge and a desire to view as much of the cinematic arts as possible. I have seen some horrible movies, movies that I went into knowing just how awful they were. And not even because I liked the basic story, or the setting, or some hot actress. No, none of those things would ever explain why I watched Kangaroo Jack or other films like it.
I had already read the reviews of "Chronicles of Riddick" on several sites, my favorite being Mr. Cranky's review. And I found myself still drawn to the movie today. Partly because the whole Sci-Fi thing, but also I was just bored. Now Mr. Cranky was correct there is little to no science involved in this movie. I mean Riddick douses himself with water before going into the sunlight to brave the 700 degree heat. Yah, that's right. But at the end of the movie, I realized what they did. They stole "Conan the Barbarian." The last scene is what made it all the more obvious, but if you piece it all together, it is a basic rip off of Conan. But it did have the very hot Alexa Davalos playing Sandahl Bergman...er I mean Kyra.
Anyway the movie is so loosely thrown together that very little makes sense, the physics and the logic of it all are so absent that one has to wonder if there was any thought put into any of this beyond the creepy armor/ships of the Necromongers.
Sometimes, I think I watch things like this just to know how it shouldn't be done. I have always preferred to learn from the mistakes of others. Not that I will make movies, though at one time I gave it some thought. No, some people like to taste wines, others collect stamps,etc. I however like to watch a lot of movies. I don't watch all of them, just the ones that look mildly interesting or perhaps amusing. Though that still doesn't answer why the hell I watched Kangaroo Jack.

I watched the CA portion of the Ronald Reagan funeral service and was struck with the cynical thought that it was all set up so well in order to enshrine him as the greatest president ever. That view of the hills, the sunset, wow, it was almost as though he just played his last role in a movie. Oh, and I hate Larry King, the man is a jackass. He asked, I think it was Ed Meese, if he was surprised that Nancy broke down at the end, when she accepted the flag and wept at the casket. Jeez, she was married to the guy for half a century of course she is going to break down. They were expecting his death for sometime now, and had nearly a week to prepare for this, so of course through most of it she and her family were able to maintain their composure. But at that last moment when saying goodbye it is only natural to be struck with the finality of it and break down. And of course her kids are going to comfort her. Are people in the media told to act in such a moronic way? The shit that comes out of their mouths when it isn't scripted is beyond belief at times.
Ron Reagan gave a few jabs to modern politicians, which I thought was cool. Not only did he lovingly praise his father, but he implied that his father didn't use his religious beliefs for political benefit. Which was funny because his brother Michael spoke before that with a lot of Jesus talk that I found to be almost phoney.
I always liked Ron Reagan, I remember how brilliant he was when he had his on Fox show, it was sort of like the Dennis Miller show with less jokes. Course his sister hasn't aged well, but I still remember her Playboy spread way back when. Not bad.
Poor little Michael Reagan. I feel bad for that guy. He just seemed so left out of things. I could have sworn the ass-kissing priest who couldn't get off his knees while talking to Nancy, only mentioned Patti and Ron and neglected to mention Michael. Maybe I misheard it. But then when the kids go to comfort Nancy, Michael is in the back and it looked like he was blocked out of there. Sad.
Oh but back to the ass-kissing priest, he reminded me of Ray Milland in his later years, and he seemed so un-godly with his overly sweet praise for Reagan. Though I like how he mentioned that his father in South Africa had a big picture of Reagan in his house. How appropriate, Reagan who stood fast and firm in the face of a political system based on socialist ideology would be seen as a hero in a country with a political system based on a racist ideology that he did nothing about. Talk about an 'evil empire' a nation based on racial segregation.
Ah but I digress. I have to hand it to Arnold he didn't walk up and touch the casket or anything cheesey. Though I could have sworn that he made of sign of the cross backwards, while Maria did it correctly.
Well now that Reagan is laid to rest so begins the task of every politician attaching themselves to his image or legacy.

Oh and on a side note, I plan for a huge funeral pyre on a hill or a Viking funeral when I pass into the next world. A fire so big and glorious it can be seen from orbit. Of course there would be a lot of pageantry and it would be televised.

What a real downer. I had an awful day at work with lots of bullshit, then I decide to go for some drinks with some friends and proceeded to drink enough sangria to forget about the day, though I also forgot about my credit card bills and decided to pay for the evening. But what the hell yanno, my friends take care of me, it's nice to be able to take care of them. So then it's off to the bikini cafe for some iced coffee and iced tea and more fun. So anyway, on my introspective drive back home, I am thinking about all this other stuff and making plans in my head for the future and moving forward, etc.
But still feeling good. Then I go online and Ray Charles is dead. That is a sad thing. 73 years old and he made so much music as well as being a really cool music personality. That really sucks. I think the last time I was this moved by the loss of someone I didn't know, it was Vincent Price. And before that, I did actually tear up when I heard Jim Henson died. When Fred Rogers died, it was a loss but I hadn't really cared personally beyond just being sad that someone so good and pure of heart had left this world.

Anyway, such is life and while we may feel the loss of those who die, I can only mourn so much, as I know it is the way of things and ultimately they continue on the wheel of life to a new path. We have had a lot of people at work "lose" family members and I can never say anything beyond the usual, "you have my deepest sympathy." Because no one wants to hear "well the bright side is that they have moved on to a better place and you should actually be happy that they are gone." It just wouldn't go over so well with people. In my heart of hearts, I feel that way, but even I wouldn't want to hear it at first when I lose someone.

But here's to Ray Charles and may he be at peace in a better place/existence(or rather non-existence)

Nothing Lasts Forever...I was in Trader Joe's last Friday picking up some groceries, and I heard this lady at one of the registers tell her husband that Entropy was the Second Law of Thermodynamics and that all things decay. She had to be about 70+ years old, which led me to believe she was talking about herself. But it was interesting to hear anybody just casually mention it. Of course Entropy is more than just decay or change. But it is usually easier to just think of it in those terms.

Why can't people just be honest and let you know what's up? I think it is fear. And I always wonder what the fear is, or where it stems from. I try to think of that and keep it in mind so that I can deal with my fears and try to push through them. Not the fear of snakes but the social fears. Cuz I'll be damned if I deal with the fear of snakes thing. I think some of it is just pure genetic memory mixed in with seeing "SSSSSSS" at a very young age.
There are images in that movie that stick with me to this day. I was gifted with an excellent memory along with my other near-superhero senses, yet this also meant that images of a man turning into a snake are stuck in my head. Along with all sorts of other fun things that I probably shouldn't have seen at other times. That's how I remember all that stuff during the 80's and even a good deal of the 70's. Ah the heights I could have attained had my genius been harnessed in the proper direction. Of course anyone who knows me, knows just how introspective and over analytical I can be, so I am sure I would have gone even more insane than I am now. I would have an island somewhere and be some crazed mad genius bent on taking over the world and turning the worlds supply of drinking water into syrup.
BWWAAAAHAAAAAHAHAAAAA!

I did not want to say anything about the death of Ronald Reagan yesterday until I had time to think about it. For better or worse, if you liked him or not, there is no getting around the fact that he was very important in shaping American politics, international relations, domestic policy, and the way Americans view themselves. I never liked him. I never thought the man had much going on upstairs, I always felt that he was playing the part of a president as an actor would rather than being a president. Maybe the two are the same. Perhaps that is what has gone wrong with our recent president.
Reagan symbolized the 1980's for me. It really was his decade. Even today he has such an influence on politics. So many current politicians think they are Reagan Republicans, so many young Republicans claim Reagan as their favorite president and place him at the head of the Pantheon of American politicians.
I always saw his influence as similar to the Pied Piper of Hameln. He did bring back to America a sense of purpose, strength and self-respect that was missing after Vietnam, Nixon, Ford, Carter and an economy that was in deep trouble. He had a bit of the John Wayne cowboy American swagger that tends to turn off a lot of thinking individuals, especially our international allies. But that same sense of self is what many Americans love because of how we see it, but also because we know it scares the crap out of some countries, even if they are our allies.
I can't be one of the brainwashed nuts who reflect on how perfect the Reagan years were or how he single-handedly knocked down the Berlin Wall and won the Cold War. He continued policies and actions that Truman, Eisenhower, and Kennedy were all an important part of. After the Cuban Missle crisis there was a change in how we dealt with the Soviets, and it was more diplomatic. When Reagan came into office he returned us to a war footing that scared most people. It's no coincidence that most movies about Nuclear Apocalypse came out in the 1980's. "The Day After" influenced and demoralized a whole generation to a degree that I think has not been acknowledged. "War Games" showed us how tense things would be if we lost control of our power over nuclear weapons, but the Day After showed us what would happen (in a TV way) once those weapons were launched. And of course "The Road Warrior" showed us just how expensive Gazzoline could become.

Reagan rattled his sword with SDI or Star Wars as it was called, built up our military to a huge degree, and really played the game of Nuclear Brinkmanship like no one else before him ever had. The fall of the Soviet Union was an amazing thing to witness. When it comes down to it there are two reasons why that happened the way it did. I think the most important was Economic, the other was Mikhail Gorbachev. Gorbachev loosed the iron grip the Soviets had on their satellite nations as well as his own people. But I don't think he could have done that or would have done that if it weren't for the economic failures of Communism and the arms race that Reagan started and ultimately won.
When it comes down to it,Reagan gave us a 3 Trillion Dollar debt to revive our economy and bankrupt the Soviets. Towards the end it wasnt't a race to see who could build more weapons, it was a race to see who would go bankrupt first, the US or the USSR. Luckily we had better credit cards to count on. Which we are still paying to this day. And with a continued budget deficit we will never be able to pay off that debt. Love Clinton or hate him, he was serious about balancing the budget and making sure that the national debt wouldn't haunt the next generations of Americans. Then Dubya comes along and decides to monkey around with it because he bought into the Reaganomics that his father once called "Voodoo Economics."
That was swallowed hook, line and sinker by Republicans everywhere. But under Reagan, America was strong abroad. And that boosted American self-confidence, which we can see Dubya continuing with over-confidence to our detriment.

I could go on and on about deregulation, the environment, crime, etc. Though I think the biggest crime the Reaganites are guilty of is lying about his Alzheimer's disease. They point out that he didn't develop it until 1993/1994. They even call it "a surprise to many." Well I was not the least bit surprised. Where the hell were these people during the 80's? He showed signs of it during his presidency. The jokes were there for years about how he was senile. His defenders think it would hurt his image to say that he had the disease during his presidency. But what they don't realize is that they hurt the disease and those with it, by denying that a person could be a pretty functional president for 8 years with the disease. We know FDR couldn't walk, Kennedy had major health problems, so come clean about Reagan.
It angers me that they would lie so blatanly and that so many people tend to buy it and the rest of the revisions of history associated with his presidency.

Reagan really did change America and again, right or wrong he was an important president who has been a tremendous influence in much the same way Kennedy inspired generations of Americans. It will be interesting to see how that continues to develop or change.

I am stuffed. I just returned from a surprise birthday party for a friend from work. Carne asada, salsa, tamales, mmmmm. Good food. I didn't drink much just had a shot of the Bushmills I bought for my friend and a shot of some German grape brandy he had. It was a pretty small group so there wasn't any beer, just sodas and good bbq'd carne asada. It was very mellow for everyone. Which is good because I certainly don't want to drink or eat too much just for the sake of a party or having a good time.
Well I am off to watch MAD TV before I go to bed. Today was an early and productive day and I plan on doing the same tomorrow, getting up early and running errands and doing chores around the house. And later of course watch some TV and maybe look over some wishlists for books and cd's or dvd's. I want to continue to build my libraries and I have neglected my music collection in favor of movies and books. But lately I have wanted to get more music. I used to have a good list somewhere but since I don't listen to the radio at home anymore, just the car, I don't jot down ideas anymore.
It's always easier to hear a song and then remember that you don't have that album, but you should buy it, than to just sit and try to think of albums you want out of the blue.

Ah, such a wonderful day. More ridiculous shit at work causing me grief. But the upside today is that the GM is seeing more of it and is getting a more clear picture of the way things are. I forgot to put on my calendar that I had a lunch appointment with my hot milfy Staples rep. so that was a nice surprise today. I always look forward to having her take me out to lunch. Had a perfect steak and I didn't have to pay for it. So that killed two hours today. I did refrain from reminding her that last year when we had lunch during a conversation that drifted to politics, she said "well you will see they will find the weapons of mass destruction." Ah even then I knew the truth. It would be interesting to have heard her excuse for Bush though.
But when a hot older woman buys you lunch it's not polite to perform an "I told you so", as much as I enjoy those.
After work went out for a beer with some work friends, then off to the cafe for a bit. Good times.
I arrived home in time to shower and then sit back and watch Femme Fatale starring Rebecca Romijn. Not bad, what you would expect from Brian De Palma of course. Plus there is the hot sexy scene in the beginning of the movie.
Listening to some good music and looking forward to a productive yet relaxing weekend. Some days life is good. Other days, it is even better than good.

Sometimes there is so much to say but you just don't know how to express it all. Or should you even express all of it? What will I think of this time, this moment when I am 40. Or 50. Will I be satisfied with the way that I have spent this time, or will I wish i had cherished this time more?
You know in the movie Back to the Future when Michael J. Fox looks at the picture of his brother and sister and they fade, well I get that feeling sometimes. The only difference is my feeling is in reverse, that is my vision is of what the future holds(held) for me. And I see things fading from that.
Yet I know too much about self-fulfilling prophecies. We tend to create our own worlds based on the conceptions we have, and this limits us. Sometimes we think this is all we deserve, or all we are capable of. And so we let things slip through our grasp. While there are just somethings we have no control over, there are so many more things we control than we give ourselves credit for.
So when I feel this way, i just ask myself WWYS?
And I feel renewed in my drive to realize the goals at hand.
To a greater degree than we would admit, we create our own future and choose our own path. And where ever that may end, I know I will enjoy it along the way.
Except for work though, cuz work sucks donkeyballs.

Work has been such a headache lately. It's really taking a toll on me. And for what? No extra money, no praise, not even a sense of purpose. I just went out to dinner with my buddy from work who is our MIS Director and it was such a relief to just relax, have a beer and hang out with a friend. It was cool too that he gave me a compliment about how he views me as one of the few people on or near his level and appreciates how observant I am. Which is nice to hear, and the feeling is actually mutual. He is one of the few people there that I consider to be on my level. So many people we are surrounded by just have no clue. I think that is one of the most frustrating aspects. I have a lot of patience for young people who have no clue, but once you reach a certain age, you should have a general idea of things. Ah, we all have our strengths and weaknesses, that much I am very well aware of. But let's put the polite bullshit away, some people are just fucking stupid. It's that simple. And I don't mean the ones who went to a crappy school, or whose parents never stressed education, or even some people I know who have a level of intelligence but have a learning disability, or those who pretend to be ignorant and rely on being cute. NO I am not talking about those people, I know who they are and have an idea of their level of intelligence. NO, I am speaking of the people that are fucking stupid. You know them. Admit it.
I am not advocating their wholesale slaughter or anything like that. Nor would I advise pointing at them and mocking them as they reverse a mailing label and a return address label on a package, so that 3 days later the mailman delivers the package back to them and they wonder in bewilderment how come the intended recipient sent it back. Not realizing that they just mailed the package to themself. NO I wouldn't think it nice to mock them for that.
That kind of ridicule is best left for after work or even on a blog.

Anyway, it was nice to relax after work with someone who I consider to be a good guy and is becoming a good friend. If I can come away from this job with one or two good friends, then it makes a lot of the bullshit worth it. And they help pass the time while we stare in wonder at the marvels of those around us and try to figure out who is really sane, them or us.

It's finally happening. Age is taking it's toll on me, at 31 my lush, full head of hair is beginning to thin, yet for some reason the hairs haven't left, they just relocated to my ears. What is that about? I don't think that is fair at all. I always figured I would have at least until 40 to enjoy my hair and health. I have reintroduced working out to my life and it feels good. But what is the point if I am healthy and in shape but have no hair, or rather hair in the wrong places?
Sure there are more important things to worry about in this world. But this whole aging process really sucks. When the hell is someone going to tell my DNA to keep doing exactly what it was doing when I was 22? Is that so tough? It's in there somewhere, some instruction or process that degrades the renewal process. Of course we would have some major population problems, which would of course lead to even more environmental problems. But damn it sure would be nice to be eternally young. I think it would be great.
Although I don't know if I would be able to ever get the senior discount at Denny's then.

Is it too much to ask that when I arrive home from a workday like today that I am greeted at the door by a beautiful woman wearing jeans and a tank top holding a large pepperoni pizza in one hand and a six-pack of beer in the other? I think I deserve that much. Maybe after we eat we watch some tv before she gives me a massage and tells me about her day.
I am almost tempted to at least go out and get the pizza and beer so I can relax, but that would be what Oprah or Dr. Phil would call "emotional eating." Plus more importantly too much beer and pizza would prevent me from meeting that beautiful woman. It's best to snag them when you are in shape and then let yourself go once they are trapped in a loveless marriage.
So I will skip the beer and pizza today and instead go work out and then read or watch some South Park.

I saw Troy today and I was very much impressed. It's a good movie with some amazing action scenes. The fight scene with Hector and Achilles was amazing. I have seen bloodier fights, and fights with more intricate, albeit unrealistic moves, but this one looked so fluid and realistic. I liked the horse they used for the movie, it was a nice touch that they used parts from their ships to build it. Sure they made some adjustments to the Iliad to make it more cinematic. A 10 year siege would have bored most people to tears. But I think they could have at least stretched the events to a longer time period, at least 6 months. Just to assemble 1000 ships and all those troops, plus supplies (war movies tend to forget to show supply lines) would have taken at least a few weeks. And I would have stuck with Paris getting killed and Helen being captured and returned to the Greeks. They really skipped some of the feeling of the complete and total destruction of Troy and it's people.
But for a Hollywood version of the epic poem, it came off pretty well. It would have included too many characters to stay true to the story, and it would have made the Lord of the Rings look like a short subject.

On May 1st I posted my thoughts on some of the initial reports of the Iraqi Prisoner abuse story. At that time pictures had not been released and there were faint stories of what sounded like harassment and some roughing up of Iraqi citizens by American military personnel. I don't think at this point it is necessary for me to link to any of the many stories you can find online about this new scandal. My first feelings two weeks ago have only intensified. I feel at a loss to understand how anyone can think that violating the rights of an occupied people will make things easier for the military stationed there or for the larger goal of building stability. I have no illusions about what humans are capable of or of what this country can allow or condone in our history. But how do we show we are different from the dictator we replaced if we use the same methods he did to control the population? When do we begin to practice what we preach, when do the so called Christians who are worried about the FCC and our culture, when do they show their disgust for such abuses?
If anyone should resign from the Bush administration, it should be Colin Powell. As the senior diplomat and as a former military man, he should be outraged at what has been allowed to happen. And allowed is the key word. It wasn't just a few "bad apples", it was allowed, condoned, encouraged and more than likely ordered all the way from the President. Yah I said it. He allows Ashcroft and Rumsfeld to detain prisoners from Afghanistan for over 2 years with no due process. Shit if we are going to execute them, even in a kangaroo court, lets do it and at least keep up some kind of appearance of due process. Show some concern of your image.
In politics and diplomacy, image is important. Substance is too. But image makes a big difference. Sprite couldn't be more wrong.
The current image of the US is not good and that affects us and will affect us for a long time to come.

The following is a random thought that occurred to me just now:

my problem is i always try to untie the knot rather than cut it or skip it

i sit there trying to figure it out, following each lead, each string all just to untie it, coaxing and squeezing the knot

I think it was 1991 and we were just out of high school. I used to always go see local bands play and hung out with friends who had bands and therefore was into the local scene. One night we went to see some bands play, I don't even remember who. Thinking back I can remember helping a friend work on his car that day and hoping we'd finish up so I could meet up with my other friends and go see the bands. Then we saw one of his neighbors, a girl from my class and I was talking to her and she suggested we go out. But once we were done with his car, and went by her house I think she had left for somewhere else. She was always cool, sorta cute in that geeky way, smart and probably would have made a good girlfriend. Anyway, so because my friend was taking too long I missed that chance, but I knew of a few hotties from school who would be at the show. So I dragged him there, it was some place in Costa Mesa, I don't remember exactly where, but I do remember that they had a huge section of Newport Blvd closed as they were building Triangle Square.
So we arrived and saw some bands, and I bumped into this other girl from one of my other classes. Very cute, one of those hippie chicks, into things just for the sake of being different. But again, very cute. So I asked her out and gave her my number on a business card for some Taco place, which I had because they had damn good food. We went out once and it wasn't there for her or me either. She was too out of it and into hippie crap for me. For some reason though whenever I hear The Catherine Wheel's "Black Metallic" I think of that night I asked her out amidst the crowd and music.

Life never turns out how you expect it to.

As funny as the show was, and as much as I always rooted for Ross, that last episode of Friends just felt more rushed and hurried than it should have. Oh and it does suck that real life just isn't like that. In real life, tracking your ex-girlfriend/wife/baby's mother to the airport would lead to a restraining order and a listing on the local police's stalker list. Plus Joey had it right, move on.

For lunch we went to the South Coast Plaza and I was thinking back to how different that mall was when I was a kid. It really has become a symbol for the affluence of Orange County. I remember when there weren't that many "upscale" stores there. It was like any other mall with just mom and pop shops and the usual chain stores. Plus they had more food places. The world is ever changing.

Oh and I received yet another picture of George and Laura Bush along with their plea for money and a bunch of propaganda about the Democrat Party. Quite funny stuff actually. Reading it, I can see how easy it would be for some NASCAR dad to get pissed at Kerry and stick with Bush.

Good times.

Hot. Very Hot. No not the weather again, it is cooling a bit. I am talking about Gina Gershon. I remember noticing her in Red Heat a long time ago and damn she just gets hotter with time. I didn't know until about a week ago that we got the Independent Film Channel, and when I got home from work today I happened to notice that Rocked with Gina Gershon was on. It follows her music/publicity tour for the movie Prey for Rock & Roll, which is going for a whole L7 Grrrl Rock thing. It's a short series done in a documentary journal style. So we get to follow her around the country as she plugs the movie and plays music at shows to again promote the movie as well as just have fun. She is a cross between Joan Jett and Janine Lindemulder and at 42 she is as hot as ever. Be sure to watch it if you have the channel and keep some ice water nearby in case it gets too hot.

Hot. Very Hot. Dry Heat. Some wind, not a hot wind like Santa Ana Winds, but not a cool breeze that would make a difference. It was like this last weekend, then in the middle of the week it cooled down for a few days, now it is back again and expected to last at least up to the middle of the week. How am I to get anything accomplished when its this hot? I am sweating like a monkey in a whorehouse. I have lived through weather that is hotter than this, but I expected such heat in Fresno. I went shopping today for a Mother's Day gift, and I wish I had other places to go too. It was refreshing to walk around in nice air-conditioned stores. But my laundry was calling me. And nothing is more fun in this heat than to fold clothes fresh out of the dryer.

First thing when I got up today, I grabbed the newspaper to look through the sales items as usual, and I noticed an article in the LA TIMES regarding U.S. abuses against Iraqi prisoners. Then sure enough I see a similar article online. It just makes me sick to think that this is the kind of crap we allow to go on after we defeat a nation that was not poised to attack us. And even if they did attack us like the Taliban supported Al-Queda, it wouldn't justify America abusing the rights of prisoners of war. Whether you call them enemy combatants or rebels or terrorists or some thug from South Central LA who kills an old lady, we have a higher duty to the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, as well as international laws to behave in a more civilized manner than those we call the enemy. I am not saying don't kick down doors and politely knock if you think Osama is in the house, but once you have people in custody we owe it to ourselves to take the moral high ground and do the right thing. And in the same way that our soldiers are dying to protect us, their negative actions also represent us. When they put their lives on the line for America we owe them our respect. But when they cross a line, they must also be held accountable. And not just the individual soldiers but the ones who lead them and encourage behavior we know to be wrong. But how can we expect American soldiers to treat Iraqis humanely when we have dozens of cases of sexual assaults involving Americans assaulting their own comrades?
While reading this article, it also struck me as very sad how this Iraqi man views women :

"They were trying to humiliate us, break our pride. We are men. It’s OK if they beat me. Beatings don’t hurt us, it’s just a blow. But no one would want their manhood to be shattered,” he said.
“They wanted us to feel as though we were women, the way women feel and this is the worst insult, to feel like a woman,” al-Shweiri said.

I wonder if he will view women's rights in Iraq differently from now on?

While on the subject of justice and two wrongs don't make a right...is something that has bothered me for some time. The white male bashing. For the past decade or so it has been the style to use white men as the butt of jokes in ways that I find offensive. No, please allow me to whine further....Certainly the culture, economics and politics of America have favored white men of certain backgrounds. (as most people tend to forget the prejudices against German immigrants, Irish Catholics, as well as poor or landless white males) And while white men are certainly still in a position of power enough to be able to take a few jokes and barbs, I find that the slinging of such jokes and barbs is unjust. Or more appropriately it is the acceptance or lack of notice given such jokes/barbs that I find offensive. Being all for free speech, say what you will. But I find it sad that people don't see how such things if put on the other foot would be unacceptable.
This movie New York Minute has a tv preview with Eugene Levy and then these two black ladies who call him a cracker. And the use of this racial slur is supposed to draw laughs? Racial slurs of any kind are just wrong. Period. To accept the use of one is the accept the use of them all. How can it be right to make fun or disparage one race but not another? Even these people who walk around and call themselves or their "own people" names are not doing anyone any good. White trash is another term people like to throw around with ignorance of its implications. White trash begs two questions, One-these people aren't up to the high standards of being White? Two-Why do we not add trash to the proper names for other ethnic groups? The answer to the first one is, it's bullshit. The answer to the second one is, we already have disparaging names for just about every other ethnic group.
Obviously the slurs against most other groups have more power and meaning behind them and therefore we are more sensitive to them. But in all fairness shouldn't we move past using any terms that disparage people based on their ethnic background.
Can't we just stick to calling people non race based names, like fuckhead, shitface, asshole...etc?
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