I think it was 1991 and we were just out of high school. I used to always go see local bands play and hung out with friends who had bands and therefore was into the local scene. One night we went to see some bands play, I don't even remember who. Thinking back I can remember helping a friend work on his car that day and hoping we'd finish up so I could meet up with my other friends and go see the bands. Then we saw one of his neighbors, a girl from my class and I was talking to her and she suggested we go out. But once we were done with his car, and went by her house I think she had left for somewhere else. She was always cool, sorta cute in that geeky way, smart and probably would have made a good girlfriend. Anyway, so because my friend was taking too long I missed that chance, but I knew of a few hotties from school who would be at the show. So I dragged him there, it was some place in Costa Mesa, I don't remember exactly where, but I do remember that they had a huge section of Newport Blvd closed as they were building Triangle Square.
So we arrived and saw some bands, and I bumped into this other girl from one of my other classes. Very cute, one of those hippie chicks, into things just for the sake of being different. But again, very cute. So I asked her out and gave her my number on a business card for some Taco place, which I had because they had damn good food. We went out once and it wasn't there for her or me either. She was too out of it and into hippie crap for me. For some reason though whenever I hear The Catherine Wheel's "Black Metallic" I think of that night I asked her out amidst the crowd and music.

Life never turns out how you expect it to.

As funny as the show was, and as much as I always rooted for Ross, that last episode of Friends just felt more rushed and hurried than it should have. Oh and it does suck that real life just isn't like that. In real life, tracking your ex-girlfriend/wife/baby's mother to the airport would lead to a restraining order and a listing on the local police's stalker list. Plus Joey had it right, move on.

For lunch we went to the South Coast Plaza and I was thinking back to how different that mall was when I was a kid. It really has become a symbol for the affluence of Orange County. I remember when there weren't that many "upscale" stores there. It was like any other mall with just mom and pop shops and the usual chain stores. Plus they had more food places. The world is ever changing.

Oh and I received yet another picture of George and Laura Bush along with their plea for money and a bunch of propaganda about the Democrat Party. Quite funny stuff actually. Reading it, I can see how easy it would be for some NASCAR dad to get pissed at Kerry and stick with Bush.

Good times.

Hot. Very Hot. No not the weather again, it is cooling a bit. I am talking about Gina Gershon. I remember noticing her in Red Heat a long time ago and damn she just gets hotter with time. I didn't know until about a week ago that we got the Independent Film Channel, and when I got home from work today I happened to notice that Rocked with Gina Gershon was on. It follows her music/publicity tour for the movie Prey for Rock & Roll, which is going for a whole L7 Grrrl Rock thing. It's a short series done in a documentary journal style. So we get to follow her around the country as she plugs the movie and plays music at shows to again promote the movie as well as just have fun. She is a cross between Joan Jett and Janine Lindemulder and at 42 she is as hot as ever. Be sure to watch it if you have the channel and keep some ice water nearby in case it gets too hot.

Hot. Very Hot. Dry Heat. Some wind, not a hot wind like Santa Ana Winds, but not a cool breeze that would make a difference. It was like this last weekend, then in the middle of the week it cooled down for a few days, now it is back again and expected to last at least up to the middle of the week. How am I to get anything accomplished when its this hot? I am sweating like a monkey in a whorehouse. I have lived through weather that is hotter than this, but I expected such heat in Fresno. I went shopping today for a Mother's Day gift, and I wish I had other places to go too. It was refreshing to walk around in nice air-conditioned stores. But my laundry was calling me. And nothing is more fun in this heat than to fold clothes fresh out of the dryer.

First thing when I got up today, I grabbed the newspaper to look through the sales items as usual, and I noticed an article in the LA TIMES regarding U.S. abuses against Iraqi prisoners. Then sure enough I see a similar article online. It just makes me sick to think that this is the kind of crap we allow to go on after we defeat a nation that was not poised to attack us. And even if they did attack us like the Taliban supported Al-Queda, it wouldn't justify America abusing the rights of prisoners of war. Whether you call them enemy combatants or rebels or terrorists or some thug from South Central LA who kills an old lady, we have a higher duty to the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, as well as international laws to behave in a more civilized manner than those we call the enemy. I am not saying don't kick down doors and politely knock if you think Osama is in the house, but once you have people in custody we owe it to ourselves to take the moral high ground and do the right thing. And in the same way that our soldiers are dying to protect us, their negative actions also represent us. When they put their lives on the line for America we owe them our respect. But when they cross a line, they must also be held accountable. And not just the individual soldiers but the ones who lead them and encourage behavior we know to be wrong. But how can we expect American soldiers to treat Iraqis humanely when we have dozens of cases of sexual assaults involving Americans assaulting their own comrades?
While reading this article, it also struck me as very sad how this Iraqi man views women :

"They were trying to humiliate us, break our pride. We are men. It’s OK if they beat me. Beatings don’t hurt us, it’s just a blow. But no one would want their manhood to be shattered,” he said.
“They wanted us to feel as though we were women, the way women feel and this is the worst insult, to feel like a woman,” al-Shweiri said.

I wonder if he will view women's rights in Iraq differently from now on?

While on the subject of justice and two wrongs don't make a right...is something that has bothered me for some time. The white male bashing. For the past decade or so it has been the style to use white men as the butt of jokes in ways that I find offensive. No, please allow me to whine further....Certainly the culture, economics and politics of America have favored white men of certain backgrounds. (as most people tend to forget the prejudices against German immigrants, Irish Catholics, as well as poor or landless white males) And while white men are certainly still in a position of power enough to be able to take a few jokes and barbs, I find that the slinging of such jokes and barbs is unjust. Or more appropriately it is the acceptance or lack of notice given such jokes/barbs that I find offensive. Being all for free speech, say what you will. But I find it sad that people don't see how such things if put on the other foot would be unacceptable.
This movie New York Minute has a tv preview with Eugene Levy and then these two black ladies who call him a cracker. And the use of this racial slur is supposed to draw laughs? Racial slurs of any kind are just wrong. Period. To accept the use of one is the accept the use of them all. How can it be right to make fun or disparage one race but not another? Even these people who walk around and call themselves or their "own people" names are not doing anyone any good. White trash is another term people like to throw around with ignorance of its implications. White trash begs two questions, One-these people aren't up to the high standards of being White? Two-Why do we not add trash to the proper names for other ethnic groups? The answer to the first one is, it's bullshit. The answer to the second one is, we already have disparaging names for just about every other ethnic group.
Obviously the slurs against most other groups have more power and meaning behind them and therefore we are more sensitive to them. But in all fairness shouldn't we move past using any terms that disparage people based on their ethnic background.
Can't we just stick to calling people non race based names, like fuckhead, shitface, asshole...etc?
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Addiction is a terrible thing. Right now I am in that addiction phase with this game. It is a lot of fun. I meant to write a little something about what a hot day it was Sunday, but the sudden warmth also caused the Jasmine to bloom everywhere. Monday when I walked out to my car to go to work I could smell it in the air and sure enough I saw the Jasmine had blossomed. I love Jasmine, we used to have a wall of our old house covered with it right before the front door and during summer nights it would just drift in through the windows. In my twisted ways and thoughts, Jasmine plays into one of my figures of speech about the loveliness of a woman. If I see a certain woman that strikes a certain chord in me, I think "I'd love to make love to her in a field of Jasmine." Which is not that good if you have ever seen Jasmine because while it does grow on vines, like grape vines the base is woody and is made of branches before the vines spread. And that would hurt. But that's really beside the point. The point is when I smell Jasmine, especially in cool night air, the scent just lifts me into a sense of euphoria that almost feels like heaven.

Ok, back to my game before I have to go to bed.

So this past Friday I was had dinner with my friend, his girlfriend, her sister and her sister's friend,who happens to work in the computer gaming industry with a friend of mine from high school. It's a small world. So this guy was telling me about this game, Call of Duty that he is playing that he enjoyed a lot and kept telling me I needed to run out and buy it. It is a First Person Shooter or FPS, set in World War II. There are several of these that popped out in the past year or two. Medal of Honor and Battlefield 1942 are the other two big name ones out. For awhile EA games was heavily advertising MOH all over the place. The games looked good, but I have never been a big fan of the FPS games. But I decided to give this one a try, so I downloaded the two free demos available at the Call of Duty website and played them like crazy on Sunday. It took me all of a few minutes to get the hang of it and from there I was having fun. So much fun that when it was over I was left wanting much more, so much more that I went to bed last night with visions from the game dancing in my head. Which is common if you play video games a lot. Especially if they are the kind that you have to force yourself to turn off just so you get a few hours of sleep or you forget to feed yourself. Also pretty common.
Anyway, I ran out today and bought it and am quite happy with my purchase. I will however try to limit myself to just an hour of gaming after working out.
If you want to have some fun try downloading and playing the demos, give it a few minutes of getting killed to get used to it. You will have fun. I know I will.

I saw "Man on Fire" today. It was pretty good. Some of the plot elements were very unoriginal but you can't argue with the acting abilities of the cast. Well except for Marc Anthony. Essentially the movie is about the girl who opens the heart of a wounded and tormented silent tough guy. Then of course she is kidnapped and he vows revenge and in the end the usual story of redemption. Perosnally I could have done without the redemption aspect. That is why I always liked the Punisher's character, nothing but unmitigated revenge. No retirement on a beach somewhere, no dying to save the life of a kitty cat. Just relentless killing until he dies. A man with no hope, nothing to live for but the revenge. Which is one of the reasons why I still haven't been able to bring myself to watch The Punisher movie. Maybe tomorrow. Who knows.
Why the hell is popcorn so freeking expensive. The small popcorn is $4.50. The jumbo size is $6.00. Small drink is $3.75 and the largest drink is $4.25. How silly is this going to get? A small popcorn and a small drink would cost you $8.25. That is crazy insane. The absolute most they should charge for that should be $5.00. Obviously that is insanely high too. But it's not as bad. 5 bucks for a small popcorn/drink combo. I don't know how they can sell these things to us with a straight face.

Ok, so much for not drinking for awhile. The other day at work I saw this ad in the O.C. Weekly for Fitzgerald's Pub in H.B. Bridget the Midget was playing with some punk band. So being the good friend that I am, I faxed the information to my good friend who has a very strong fetish for midgets. So I met him and some of the employees he supervises at work, at this bar. Luckily for me it is just down the street from me. It was fun, some of the bands were pretty decent. Just some weird interpersonal dynamics going on that I just didn't want to be a part of. Though I am a part of it. They were going to head out to Lake Forest to see some band that this one chick likes, the girl from the other night I work with. Very weird vibe. Needless to say I decided I didn't want to make the drive down there as much as I would like to have hung out with my friend. Plus again the weirdness. Isn't high school over? WTF.
I am completely starving. Running around today I kept putting a meal off, only ended up having some carrots as a snack after the movie since I skipped spending a fortune on the popcorn. Some water and light t.v. before bed and I will sleep like a baby.

Ah another evening of fun has come to an end. And an early end too. Which is good because I need to get some sleep and rest. Thursday instead of going straight home from work and working out like I have been, I decided to join two close friends from work and a newer female friend from work. Of course I am interested in this person, curious to be more precise. So it was a good oportunity to get to know her better. The 4 of us went to a dive bar/pool hall near work and proceeded to drink about 4 or 5 rounds of drinks. Then one of my friends went home with his girlfriend who picked him up. So now my buddy Ed decides its about 7 and time to eat. So we agree to head over to this great Japanese place near my house that he and I have been to before. Memories of that first time led me to believe this would be a good chance for us to head to my place afterward. And by us I mean myself and this girl from work. That's the insidious plan I had anyway.
So we eat and drink, lots of Sake. Then as we are about to finish up and leave, though we don't know where. Our friend is on her cell phone and has some little twerp friend of hers show up. Totally ruined the evening for me and Ed. But being the gracious folks we are we then head out to another little bar not far from where this adventure began. This is where things get weird as the four of us talk and Ed and I are trying to determine what her relationship is to this guy. My interest is obvious, Ed's is twofold, on one hand he is backing me up but aside from that, we began this adventure without this twerp. And Ed doesn't like add-ons. I have seen it before, and even if it's just another friend, if they show up 10 min late, that's ok. But to walk into the party/adventure in the middle or near the end is just a no-no. Which I totally understand. It ruins the dynamic that was set forth in the beginning.
Anyhoo. Ed and I decide it's time to end this as the twerp is a complete buzz-kill and it's obvious I am getting nowhere with him around.
We all drank pretty much the same, and I was not feeling 100% this morning after only 4 hours of sleep. I debated whethere to stay home or not, but I take pride in not allowing my fun to interfere with going to work. When I get to work however, I learn that didn't stop the other two from staying home to nurse their hangovers.

Tonight could have turned into another night of drinking but I wanted to go home and work out since I didn't on Thursday. But Alex and his girlfriend were going to get a drink at Havana in Costa Mesa with her sister. As soon as sangria was mentioned I was there. Though I only had one glass of it as I intended to head home before 6 and work out.
Then it turns into lets go eat. Here we go again. This time we head to a Japanese-Korean place nearby. You pick the meats you want then grill them at your table. I tried to back out as I dont like to cook my own meat or see it raw. Yah I am weird. Sue me. But his girlfriend invited me as did her sister. How can I say no? So it was a good meal. Her sister kept grilling the food for us and it was damn good. I skipped drinking though, no more Sake for me tonight.
I am going to get a good night's sleep and will have to work out this weekend to make up for missing two days this week. Plus to make up for all the alcohol and great food too.
It is worth it though to hang out with really good people and have fun like that. Sometimes I forget it's ok to socialize and relax. I try to maintain some rigid schedule and while it helps me to stay on task with certain goals I have, it shouldn't stop me from living life.

The Reality of War is here, whatever your politics or points of view on this or any war there are always those who will pay the ultimate price. No one can look at this and tell if what their politics were, their religions, their gender, ethnicity, or any other number of factors used to categorize and marginalize people. All one can say is they are Americans.
In 8th grade we had the opportunity to go to Washington D.C., Philadelphia, Gettysburg, and Mt. Vernon. I saved my money so I could go and was very excited about it. On our trip a few students would be chosen to walk with the honor guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and lay a wreath. To determine who would be chosen we wrote essays. I don't remember what the subject was if any was specifically given. I do remember what I wrote about. I was honored to be selected and when we arrived at Arlington National Cemetary I was struck by a very solemn feeling, I would feel this again at Gettysburg and the Vietnam Memorial among other places of remembrance/death. It just strikes a chord deep within me when I see images like that or can feel the weight of such a place. Hearing the national anthem sung, staring at the flag I can feel the enormity of what it means to be an American and how lucky I am. And I feel great respect for those who give their lives for this country and I wish for no more coffins draped with the American flag.

What, if anything, does it all mean? I wonder that far too often for my own good. I can't fully subscribe to the idea that there is some outside cosmic meaning, but I also can't accept some nihilistic lifestyle and live like there is no tomorrow, polluting my body and brain or doing damage to others. It worries me sometimes that I don't have some concrete clique I can cling to that will keep me warm at night and allow me to march forth over anyone in my way. But I also can't fully wrap myself in the defenseless martyrdom and helpless acceptance of all that around me. Always torn between yin and yang. Born in January with Janus forever part of my life. And somewhere in between is the balance I strive to achieve.
We make our own meanings in life is about the only thing I can come up with. Some of us search out meanings in other things, sex, drugs, religion, work, violence, pain, denial, etc. Some of us are just given a definition early on and we can't get past it or just don't see more beyond that.
Humans are a marvelous and a terrible thing at once. So much potential for creation and destruction. Our actions can wipe out untold numbers of species. We can build grand monuments, change the course of rivers, bring down mountians, cure diseases, make sacrifices for ideals, lie, cheat, steal, love, hate, think, hell we can even leave this planet and visit our moon. So much promise. So much pain.
I am always curious to see what happens next. What a wonder it all is. Turbulent and tranquil. It's all the reality tv I ever need.

I couldn't decide whether or not to go see The Punisher this weekend. I know I will end up seeing it if only because I saw the first one years back with Dolph Lundgren and I loved the comic books. But the movie looks like they just didn't get it right. And from what I have heard from critics, that's the consensus. I never expect too much when seeing a comic book translated to the big screen. Anyone ever seen David Hasselhoff as Nick Fury? It's out there. In the late 70's they even did a Captain America on TV about the same time that the Incredible Hulk was on CBS and Spiderman had a few TV specials, and then in about 1991 they tried to do justice to Captain America and made another one, this time starring the son of reclusive author J.D. Salinger. That movie lacked something also. There is a lot of love for these characters, so much so that someone sees how crappy one version is and says, hey I can do it better, or I can make more money on it. But they fall short. The success of Spiderman and semi-success of Daredevil and X-Men have really jump started this whole thing. But to the detriment of some great characters that will just be given a green-light by studios just to cheaply churn out some crap.
I just hope this wakes up the folks at Marvel and they think it through before they decide to sell their next character.

Not being religious it seems odd sometimes to "celebrate" holy-days. I have never avoided them like some non-religious people I know. They recite speeches about hypocrisy and such. I think I have always just liked them because as a kid they were backed up by gifts and food. But now as an adult I appreciate them for a time to be with family. And looking back I see that was true even then. This Easter was no exception. I look forward to spending time with family. I am lucky to have grown up with a good family that has always shown a healthy amount of love and kindness. No matter who you are they make you feel welcome and loved. Of course we all have our faults as individuals and even as groups. But when I see how my family has always treated in-laws or potential in-laws I know that is exceptional.
So I had fun this weekend with my family. Though I tend to either talk too much or else just silently absorb it all. But that has been my see-saw for a long time now. And I am aware of it too. Sometimes as others talk and exchange stories or ideas, I realize that I haven't spoken for some time and could appear sullen. I just think too much sometimes and get lost in thought.
One of those thoughts is about starting my own family. I see my cousin and her son and I know I should already have a couple kids. I don't know if I can wait the 4-6 weeks for my Russian Bride to arrive. I should have paid the additional postage.

Welcome to America, we like to do things a little different here. We throw out common sense and justice and replace it with idiotic nonsense and get a carnival freak show instead. Our first exhibt is The 9 year old girl arrested for stealing a bunny. Yes stealing is bad, her parent(s) probably have not taught her that and/or provide a poor example by their behavior. But really handcuffing her? Was that really necessary? If I was 9, hell even today if the police came to talk to me I'd be scared enough that handcuffs wouldn't be necessary to teach me not to steal. The worst thing is though that even though this was a bit over the top to scare her straight, the fact that it's in the media now will only reverse the effect. What will happen is people will rally to this child and say "aww you poor child. mean police. you didn't do anything wrong." Wait, yes she did. But now she won't hear that message. She will get positive reinforcement that is focused on the punishment but will be confused with the crime she committed.
Now we have our second exhibit that only makes the first look that much more insane by comparison. Or less insane. Either way please read and enjoy...The Mother's Day we all want to avoid. This lady kills two of her kids and cripples the third under some lame idea that God told her to. And instead of going away for a long time or receiving the death penalty, (she lives in Texas) they found her not guilty by reason of insanity. She had a "condition" which prevented her from knowing right from wrong. Oh I'm sorry, I guess that makes it ok then. Seriously I don't care if it's a mother or father, anyone who takes the life of their own child should be executed. Period. Rats eat their young, humans shouldn't. I can't imagine a crime worse than harming your offspring. It goes against the whole point of having children. I mean who is going to do the dishes, take out the trash and mow the lawn for a lousy 10 bucks a week? You just can't hire that kind of help anymore.

Something fun for the family, check out this blogger's site, PorkTornado especially these two posts. Pure comedy. Album Covers 1 and Album Covers 2.
A friend at work showed me these yestersay and I was cracking up all day. I felt it my duty to point them out. Especially as I am just about burnt out on the crap from Bush. He was at a rally the other day and told workers that they need retraining to compete in a changing economy. Maybe it's my own bias, but when Clinton spoke about this subject during his first campaign, it sounded like a good idea, forward thinking and optimistic. When I heard Bush say it, it sounded defeatist and almost like he was blaming workers for jobs leaving this country. All I could think was forget retraining, stop the damn jobs from leaving. We are so close to the only retraining left is to teach everyone how to flip burgers. And that may disappear as the new war on obesity begins to gather steam.

Hmm, I have a problem with propaganda, always have. Lies twisted into a pretzel and covered with chocolate always made me suspicious. My mother taught me to always check my candy at Halloween and this election year is no different. Conservatives, Right-wingers, Republicans, their propaganda always makes me sick and I notice it right away because I know it comes from that spooky looking house with the creepy man in glasses and the greasy hair. So I always check that candy carefully. But when I go to my neighbor's house I still check it but I don't expect to find anything except maybe disappointment at the crappy little bag of pennies or those lame McDonald's coupons. That's how I feel about Liberals, Left-wingers, Democrats and Moderates. That is why I get outraged sometimes when I get some bad candy from them. When I hear liberals go overboard and overplay their hand, I shake my head knowing that they are just playing into the image the Right wants to paint. Listening to Air America Radio today and hearing grand conspiracies and faulty thinking made me upset. The idea that Al-Queda attacked the U.S. because of some feud with the Bush family is absurd. They were attacking our overseas interests when Clinton was president. It has been shown that they were planning an attack on the U.S. before the Supreme Court appointment of President Bush. (see what I did there?)

I think that when liberals stoop to levels like that even when they believe it, they end up sounding like raving lunatics. And that only hurts the cause. Steven Colbert was on and mentioned how he is a liberal because has a healthy mistrust of government. And that term struck me as odd. Odd because I think that is part of the problem. It is a totally screwed up double standard that liberals are accused of being unpatriotic when they mistrust government, but conservatives are allowed to bash "big government" and the intrusion of the Federal Government into States Rights. Now what struck me as odd, is that a mistrust of government is not healthy. It certainly isn't something that liberals should advertise as the hallmark of being a liberal. Rather I would flip it the otherway, I have a healthy trust in government. That is I trust it to a point, not blindly and not in some absolute way. I suppose it amounts to the same end. But much like the Halloween analogy, it depends on how you view the house. I don't see government as the evil house, but rather the good house that doesn't always gives you the best candy, and you should still check it.

All I want at this point is for the current family to move out and have a friendlier more honest family move in.

Entropy can not be escaped. Decay and change are just part of this grand and mysterious process we exist in. Bodies age, flowers wither, cities collapse in ruins, stars die, and cd's get scratched. People are always so concerned with finding the right answers or searching for some crutch to provide fulfillment in their lives. I am not too different except I am looking for the questions. Answers can't really be found until we look at the questions that come from inside. And most of those just lead to even more questions. I have met a few lucky people like that. Just talking to them makes me satisfied that my world view is the best way for me to look at things. It may not work for others but they don't have to live with it, I do. Essentially that is all that matters. But it does help me to speak with others and learn other views as well as how those views are developed. It's one of the ways to know where you stand and how to interact with others to avoid colliding in space. Plus it can be amusing too.

I saw Hellboy today. It was a decent movie. Had some good parts and the character of Hellboy was well played by Ron Perlman. I just wish they would have explained a couple things. I'm sure it would have made more sense to me had I read the comic books. But they could have explained more about how the evil Nazi blade guy, the Nazi chick escaped in 1944 and then of course show up in the present time. At least how did the Nazi chick stay young? And how did Rasputin come back from the other side? Oh and just as in Tomb Raider we have some deep underground mystical machinery made hundreds of years ago.
It was good though especially for this genre. You can't expect much. I almost dread to go see the Punisher. I loved the comics and the character is a brooding killer in the mold of Charles Bronson. They should have had Henry Rollins play him though. This Thomas Jane is too small and too Jeff Speakman looking. Which only makes the formula of this movie stand out more than it should. I think people forget when they make movies that have been done dozens of times over the thing that people care more about is character than story. We have seen this story so many times. Make a character we can care about and admire or even fear. Hellboy had a bit of that. That's what made his little quips seem fresh rather than the usual action banter we get in other movies.

Oh and two things before I crank up the music and relax tonight: The post prior to this has nothing to do with any one person but rather more to an ideal that exists in this twistedly romantic soul that gets egged on by having watched Notting Hill the other night and other such movies ( don't even let me watch the Princess Bride) that appeal to that side of me.
The other thing is, Did we lose a war or what? Why the hell do gas prices continue to rise when we occupy a country that can produce enough oil to allow us to pay 20 cents per gallon? I will tell you why. I am not big on conspiracy theories and such but.. here goes.....Sooner or later we had to ease the sanctions on Iraq and that would mean more oil on the market and consequently lower prices. So besides completing some sort of Oedipal task, Bush-Cheney also sought to slow down oil production in the region in two ways. One to slow down the oil production in Iraq and the second to piss off OPEC enough that they would reduce production to teach us a lesson. Either way it keeps American refineries and oil companies making money and can help compel the US government to allow drilling in the Alaskan Wilderness.
Think about it , won't you.

It must be your skin that I'm sinking in / Must be for real cos now I can feel................ It seems like forever since I was last in love, so full of energy and life that youth seems forever and pain exists only when I was not with the person that radiated such love for me. I wonder sometimes if I can ever have that again. Then I wonder if I ever want that again, that is do I want that euphoria of lust/love that causes one to overlook those imperfections that will ultimately drive one insane. One of the bright points of being single really is that you don't have to put up with anyone's bullshit but your own. A house, a wife, kids, a dog, etc. Yah they all sound good, will I ever have them? I don't know. What do I need to compromise, what do I need to work towards. Can I really find someone that embodies trust, faith, intelligence, beauty, devotion, strength, and the rest. Am I too picky? I don't think so. You miss one mistake by a hair and it can only put you on edge even more. But I must admit I miss it all. This hermit lifestyle does fit me well to a point but I miss my chance to nurture and love. There is something rewarding about it. Couldn't love you more / You got a beautiful taste

It seems ages since I last felt that for anyone. I wish there was a rewind button for life, a TIVO if you will. Just go back 10 years and do it right this time. Oh well live and learn they say. I have learned now I just need to live again. Ugh, not so easy when I think of the complications of dealing with others. Maybe it's the beer talking but even this hermit needs to walk among the people from time to time. If only just to remind oneself of the reason such a vow was taken in the first place.

For those of you interested in a new and exciting prospect, Liberal Radio, check out Air America Radio. For years we have heard about the "liberal media" when in fact media is usually moderate to conservative. I am curious to see how well this works out. With people like Janeane Garofalo and Al Franken with their own shows it should be pretty fun. As a fan of the Daily Show and its brand of informative humor I look forward to a long run for this new venture.
The only drawback is of course the 'Right' will actually be able to point out an example of the liberal media. But it may be a dawn of a new era where people no longer feel ashamed to be sensible liberals. And I don't mean the usual tree-hugging wife-swapping liberals or the nutty libertarians. Rather those Americans who are moderate in most terms but believe in civil rights and a free society, while maintaining certain standards. The way Democrats were before the Vietnam war split this country in a profound and radical way.

I wonder though, how long it will take for the FCC to shutdown this new radio network.

The sad thing is that for all of the new stories about Bush and 9/11 he will still probably end up winning the damned election. Richard Clarke has written and spoken about something that has pointed the spotlight back onto Bush and his administration's handling of terrorism and the aftermath of 9/11. But for some of us there isn't much news to what he says. A good deal of his criticisms and events that he points out have actually already been written about. Check out Al Franken's book Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right He details how Sandy Berger tried to impress upon the incoming Bush administration and Condolezza Rice in particular the great threat posed by Islamic fundamentalist terrorism and Al-Queda specifically. As well as Bush's perverse interest in a missile defense shield. This poor sap is all about finishing other works started by other Republican presidents. Namely Reagan and Bush Sr. This obession with Star Wars defense is silly. I would say I have never understood it, but that's not true. I do understand it. Mostly it is about some macho sense of protecting the country and making money for defense contractors.
While I think wasting money on nuclear weapons beyond count is insane and $600 toilet seats are a waste, I didn't mind the idea of a large military. One of the worst things we did was the reduction in American forces and the many base closures. The need to save money was there, but the focus on the 'peace dividend' was a mistake. One of the things that Bush and Rice did get correct was the growing threat of China in taking the place of the old USSR.

For all of the bullshit I don't like about Bush and as much as I agree with Clarke's assessment, I can't for one minute believe that 9/11 could have been prevented. And that is where I feel disgust for Bush. Clarke had the good decency as well as political sense to apologize for the administration's and his failure to stop it. Bush is doing what Clinton did with Monicagate. He hides and denies. When he should have the balls and leadership to do what Clarke did and say "Hey the buck stops here. I just entered office, I was told that terrorism was a major concern, I was worried about the economy, China, etc...We could have done more, we should have done more and I am truly sorry for that." I don't blame him. I don't see how it could have really have been prevented given the circumstances at the time. Even with secure cockpits, skyjackings don't end in such ways. The pilots would have waited for the demand that they fly to Algeria or Cuba like skyjackers are supposed to do.

But I think it is of great importance that once you determine how to limit your risks, every effort should be made to do so. I read recently that there are American troops in Iraq that don't have body armor and their families are buying it from private companies here and sending it to the troops there. It is unconscionable to me that we would commit troops without proper equipment.
I wonder if the Texas Air National Guard has any to spare?

I have just returned from a night out and what an odd night. Jason and I went out to House of Brews in the Huntington Harbor for a few beers. Luckily we were able to sit at the bar relatively soon and could then relax and enjoy the atmosphere. It's a slightly trendy and clean sort of place, but there are always plenty of very attractive women and the juke box has The Cult as well as some other good tunes. As we were talking I could hear some of the conversation of this guy and this girl next to me. It was obvious it was one of their first few dates, possibly even the first. The guy was trying too hard and was negative and needlesly giving out information that was questionable. Who tells someone on a first date that they steal satellite tv? and can get all the movie, sports and porn channels? Immediately the girl asked if he watched the porn to which he lamely replied, well it's on sometimes. I am sorry, is there some kind of timer that just makes porn come on? Then he explains how porn fills a void in ones life and how if he had a woman he wouldnt need porn. Because the real thing is way better than porn. The obvious implication is "Hey babe, I am missing something from my life, if you were my woman I wouldn't need porn because you would give me sex all the time, but if you didn't well then it's back to porn when you leave the house to go to visit your mother"
Doooode.....If you are going to mention it dont make it sound sad. Either dont bring it up or else say Yes I love porn, it taught me everything I know, now I am a stallion and can satisfy you. Or something to tap into her needs and let her know you can be a sex machine, not a pervert.
He also tells her that when people get married they shouldn't change and why would he need to be more responsible, he should be free to do what he wants to do. Kids mess things up, but then he says he loves kids and he would want them but just not a wife. He sounded like Melissa Etheridge as he said "just someone to have the kid and then we remain friends and maybe she sees the kid every now and then"
Oh and she also paid for everything after he asked what time her curfew was and was visibly upset that she said 12am, so he told her to finish her drink so they could leave.
This boy needs serious help.
But damn it was fun. I wanted to make a whole show like this. No cameras or else just make everything hidden from both parties. Of course there are legal issues, but it would be so entertaining.
We also spent a few hours in some deep, useless and fun conversation with some girl next to us we told us how CA has no values as opposed to NY and suggested that we join some game where people run for beer. Like some drunken Olympic events. Again at first she was on me, she started the conversation by asking why I was drinking water and then she decided that I sould drink so she bought me another drink. Then of course almost near the end of this she mentions something about her volunteer work with abuse victims and something she said set Jason off because her misconception of the law. So as he is telling her what the law is and explaining how they arrest abusers all the time, the fire and passion for his job and what he does just explodes and she is rapt by his words and emotions. Personally I have known him for nearly my entire life and have never heard such passion or conviction. But she was lost in him. Chicks dig that. I used to be able to get that with the whole teaching thing, but now I don't like my job so how can others be interested in it. I hardly am.
As we all walk out after last call, there is a fight in the parking lot and the bouncers arent doing anything. Sure don't get hit, its outside the bar, but grab a phone for crying out loud. I got one of the others to walk outside and then some other guys are arguing about why the lone bouncer out there didn't do anything while 4 guys attacked the one guy on the ground. As he lay bleeding his 2 friends ( i think they knew him) were telling the bouncers that should have stopped it, blah blah. At which no one had still called the police or an ambulance. So Jason and I left in disgust. And in the confusion we did not thank our tree-hugging friend for the fun conversation and the drink. So thank you Pixie may you continue to run and get your beer.

I feel the need to include this link in the off chance someone wants to help keep America sane.
I like the guy, but even if you don't then just remember my campaign slogan for Kerry would be "He's better than Bush"

www.johnkerry.com

Register to vote, learn about the issues and keep democracy safe by exercising your right to vote.

Some days I just want to drive as far as I can and end up in a big meadow, walk into the middle of it and sit beneath a huge oak tree, lay down and stare at the white clouds in the blue sky, feel the warmth of the sun on my face and the cool breeze through my hair, then pull a Rip Van Winkle and sleep for a hundred years.

Other days I want to jump into a fast car, crank up the stereo with some heavy angry rock, race through traffic, down the highway, skid into a parking lot and pull up to a bar/club that is playing the same type of hard heavy rockin tunes, grab a beer , play some pool and beat the shit out of anyone who so much as looks at me or puts Steve Miller on the juke box.

Today is not one of either of those days. Instead I want to sit in a comfy leather chair in my prefectly decorated and clean 30's bungalow-style home that was remodeled by Bob Villa, read a good book, drink some iced tea and wait for my lingere model wife to come home so we can cook dinner and watch Jeopardy! together.

It never cease to amaze me just how selfish and self-absorbed people are. I am not a saint by any means but I try to adhere to a certain ethos. I shudder to think that others who act in such a selfish manner do too. I like to believe that what I witness is more chaotic and primal than a well thought out system of behavior. For instance last night as I was out I was going to drive through Del Taco when out of nowhere fast as lightning some tweaker in his car flies through the parking lot and zooms up to the order thingy. His tweakette girlfriend is calling out the order from the passenger seat over him. She says she wants a number 7 to which the drive-thru guy replies "Do you want the combo". Well duh, but it never hurts to verify. Of course the tweaker has to scream out and point out the obvious redundant nature of the question. Tweaker continues to yell in a clipped and hurried fashion his order as well as amending tweakettes order. Then he tries to zoom to the window but has to stop as the drive thru guy tells them how much it is. Then Zoooom to the window. After shoving the money through the window to the drive thru guy, he roughly grabs-yanks the bags of food from him and Zoooms off as though he was late for a date with his dealer.
Today as I stopped by the post office to drop off more packages for work, I grabbed a number (33) and of course looked up to see that they were currently on number 22. There were not too many people there, so I sat down to await my turn. I looked down and noticed two numbers stuck together on the ground at the foot of the number dispenser, numbers 24 and 25. I realized that if I grabbed those I would be after number 23 and would be able to skip ahead 10 people. But my ethics would not allow me to do such a thing. Cutting in line ahead of the people who were here before me would be wrong. So I sat and waited. Some old lady walks in and sees we are now on number 23, she goes to the dispenser and sees the number sticking out is 36, looks down and sees 24 & 25, looks around and then picks them up. As number 24 was called out she walked up to the counter and I could not help saying rather loudly that such a thing took a lot of nerve. Some others looked at me funny, and I explained the situation. Of course half of them thought I was a sucker for skipping the chance to cut ahead as they would have (not putting it together that I would have then cut in front of them) and the other half thought the old lady was wrong to do such a thing but that we would not lynch her in disgust as it was late in the day and no one had a rope.

It's not like I jumped in front of a bus to save a kitten. And it's not like that lady threw a kitten under a bus either. Which is my point really. Big deal you say? Who cares? So what? Exactly I answer. If it is not such a big deal, then why not do the right thing, let the car in front of you merge, stop at the yellow light. Don't be in such a selfish hurry that you ignore those around you. Be courteous and kind to your fellow man. Especially when it is convenient. Some would argue, hell I would, that being good in the face of inconvenience is something to be proud of. I would agree. But that is harder and those instances don't happen as often.
Life to me is a test, and sure the essay portion counts for 25% so you better not screw it up. But all those little true and false, multiple choice, matching and fill in questions, those make up the other 75% of the test. So do well on those and you could just skip the essay. Little things like that add up and just like the commerical says, "It's ok, I had Subway for lunch" do a lot of little good things and they can actually make up for a few really bad things.

Ok so my idea of how to pass on the wheel of Karma is a little skewed. But damn it makes sense to me. Besides, I had Rubios for lunch today.

Don't you hate it when the first thing in the morning on a Monday no less, someone at work makes you feel stabby? At least if it was the end of the day or possibly Thursday I wouldn't have felt as stabby. I can tell it's going to be one of those weeks already. Luckily I have pretty much everything done on the home front. I usually do laundry every two weeks and on the alternating weeks I clean around the apartment. Not like manic crazy Howard Hughes clean, but the usual. Nothing I love more than walking into a room when the carpet has been freshly vacuumed. Every morning before I go to work I make my bed. Not a tough task, but I feel better knowing that when I get home, I can come home to a clean room. And this has seeped into my organization of my closet and the clothes I wear. I have now arranged my pants and dress shirts in a certain order so that I can keep track of when certain things need to be dry-cleaned and of course when I wore what. All I need now is a tie rack. I have never been one of those people who has 100% discipline, but I do like to keep things pretty tidy and managable. It's nice to have the place presentable in case I bring home company unexpectedly. Ok, so a big what if. But I do like coming home and seeing everything pretty neat and clean. When I go on trips the first thing I do when I get home is unpack. I can't stand the idea of unfinished business before I relax. I like to get that out of the way and then relax when I get home.
My dvd's came in the mail today. I bought some dvds from Best Buy last week when they were on sale, 4 dvds for under $30. I haven't bought any in a few months and I was really in the mood to watch Top Secret! and after watching it, I certainly feel less stabby...until tomorrow anyway.

I may have to move to Canada if Bush wins the election this year. It always amazes me that Republicans complain about Big Government and Federal Government. Yet they will create laws to legislate our behavior. This FCC thing is really pissing me off. I used to love listening to Howard Stern, until he separated from his wife, then he seemed to have lost what made him so funny. The married guy who didn't cheat on his wife, but had tons of hot women always naked on his show. For the most part I like his brand of humor. I don't dig fart jokes, I usually like more thoughtful humor. And I wouldn't want my children to listen to his show and if they did at a friend's house, I sure as hell wouldn't let them emulate his behavior. But I do not need the government to protect my children from someone on a radio show talking about farts and poop. Keep Al-Queda from bombing my place of work, keep 14yr old boys from shooting up my kids schools, clean up the streets and neighborhoods of drugs and crime. Take care of that shit first.

It is so typical to go after something symbolic that requires very little real effort.

My parents almost never cursed in our home, they didn't drink except on New Year's Day and their anniversary, and only one drink each or they'd share a drink. But they let us watch horror movies at a young age, they let us watch violent movies at a young age, some movies even had nudity. I used to read Truely Tasteless jokes in 4th grade, I knew every curse word by then, some that my peers didn't know. And for all I had seen or heard at a young age, my parents instilled in us the values and the knowledge of how to properly behave. Even at my advanced age, I still don't curse in front of my parents. I know how to behave and act in different situations. They taught us that. Government didn't stop me from learning about sex from magazines or cable. But my parents taught me how to behave like a civilized human being. And you can't legislate behavior. It doesn't work. The best chance you have is educating parents, and educating children in schools and more importantly by modeling the behaviors you expect in others.
And society is always changing. It isn't always good, or comfortable. There was a time when bra commercials were just a spokeswoman showing a huge cross-your-heart bra on a mannequin. Now we have Victoria's Secret commercials and tv specials. Not that I mind, hehheh. But it is an example of this change in attitudes and what is acceptable. Movies have become more graphic with violence than ever before. I wish people weren't slowly becoming more rude or crude. Being polite and civil is not important to most people anymore. I miss that, and it does cause me concern. But I don't want the government to tell me what I can and can't listen to or see. That responsibility belongs to parents.
In a "free market" (which Republicans value so much) we can let the consumers decide. Let individuals write letters or boycott 7-11 if they don't remove Penthouse from their shelves. Don't buy tickets to Braveheart or Pulp Fiction if you don't approve of violence or profanity in movies. Write in to ABC and protest their showing of lingerie shows. That will cause change.
Also teach your children right from wrong. Tell them to say please and thank you, not to talk with their mouth full of food, to chew with their mouth closed, to open doors for others, to let people in front of them on the freeway when you see a turn signal, when you do cut in the freeway hold your hand up in a high five or a peace sign to say thanks, don't talk so loud when on your cell phone in an elevator....list goes on and on....but ultimately teach your children and those around you to "Do unto others as you would have other do unto you."

Me so sleepy. Well past my bedtime but i had lots o' fun. Another St. Patrick's Day put to rest. I can pack my green shoes up until next year. Yes green shoes. Green suede Doc Martens from way back in the day when I used to sell em to lil wanna be punks. Anyhoo I am off to bed. I hope everyone had a happy St. Patrick's Day. I always miss my grandma on this day. She was a good lady and always took care of her favorite grandson. Yeah you heard me I was her favorite. Hell I am everyone's favorite because I am such a damn nice guy.

I have been listening to old songs (80's) that bring up memories and emotions of nostalgic sadness. For some reason I have been doing this lately. I can't ever really figure it out. Some of these songs aren't necessarily depressing or anything they just dredge up bittersweet memories or not even specific memories but just feelings. It's odd because at times I will listen to some hard angry rock like Rollins Band or some sweet thoughtful relaxing music like Chris Isaak. But those are feelings in the present. I never understood my mom's love of old music, or the way lots of our parents never "grew" into modern musical tastes. But it seems to make sense to me as I get older. A lot of the songs and artists I have always liked and liked to listen to every now and then. Even when I was 21 I would listen to this stuff and fondly/sadly look back at 4th grade or other episodes of my life. I know I must be forgetting some songs/bands, perhaps I should start taking requests so I can build my music wishlist. My book and movie wishlists are already huge, but I haven't started one for music in over 15 years.
All I know is that sooner or later I will have to break down and buy one of those 80's compilation cd's and be told what 80's music to listen to instead of choosing my own songs.
Richard Blade would be proud.

Some people are estimating that Mel Gibson stands to make about $300 million dollars for himself after all is said and done with the Passion of the Christ. Wow. Gutsy move on his part. And it paid off for him. I respect that about the man. Say what you will about the movie or his religious views but that is a something I admire. I am sure that the sequel will make even more money.

I watched AutoFocus tonight, the movie about Bob Crane of Hogan's Heroes fame. Greg Kinnear did an excellent job and Dafoe was really good as the creepy friend. The movie was good. The last half dragged on and was stale and dry, but I think that was the point because it detailed his fall from fame and the feeling of the last half just connected so well with his life towards the end. The man was seriously addicted to sex. I thought I liked boobies and naked chicks, but this man was insane. And with all the picture taking and videos. Sad. It was funny because the priest in the movie talked about temptation and the need to remove oneself from temptation. I have always argued against that. It is my belief that only in temptation can one be sure of the strength to resist temptation. However it was this very reasoning of avoiding temptation that created so many ascetic monks and hermits. Ahhh the life of a hermit. Yo ho yo ho a hermit's life for me.

Ah another relaxing Sunday has come to an end.
Alias---An average episode. The whole thing seemed a bit rushed. I hope they put Sark down for good. It is amazing how many times they capture the guy and he gets away. At least Jack got to kill someone. He may be a distant and somewhat unemotional father, but could you imagine how cool it would be to have a dad that you could always 100% say to your friends "my dad can kill your dad." No one would mess with you at school.

Listening to music as I often do before bed. It usually gets me thinking or rather feeling certain things that cause me to think. Right now I am wondering why I don't just make the committment to being a hermit. So long as I had cable tv and the internet, my books and music, I could lead a relatively peaceful and happy existence. I'd even get a dog. That would be it. Just live in a cabin somewhere out of the way and just BE. When I express these thoughts and feelings, some friends tend to ask if I would feel lonely. And the truth is I would. But when those same friends also tell me how they envy my life, without attachments and I see some of the troubles in their relationships, I realize that it can be just as lonely IN a relationship. Sometimes more lonely. We are born alone and we die along. There really is no way around that. Yet we are by nature a social animal and we even institutionalize this need by creating a lifelong bond (well it used to be lifelong for some people anyway). Hell this need is so great homosexual couples in America are trying to have that same opportunity. Yet it really is becoming obvious that the "institution" of marriage is a relic and crumbling along with so many other old traditions such as taking care of the elderly in one's family, or keeping an eye on your children, hell even keeping an eye out for your neighbors kids. Today who even knows their neighbors, let alone would scold someone elses child for doing something. Hillary was right, it does take a village to raise a child. Hell more and more homes don't even have both parents or else they have some weird mix of step kids and parents. The trend really is the continuing decay of nearly thousands of years of traditional family structure. Talk about a major revolution. And it is funny because the conservative folks talk about preserving marriage and family by resisting the acceptance of gay marriage. It's like hanging on to a torn and shredded blanket when someone else wants it for warmth. You know what, it is pretty much useless so why not just give it up and get some goodwill in exchange.
And this isnt a repeat rant about gay marriage. The real subject on my mind is the whole lifelong relationship thing and how it's pretty much over. Or at least on it's last legs. Give it one hundred years and the whole idea of getting married ONCE and staying with that person until death does part you, the whole thing will be some quaint ancient cultural tradition. And if you think I am wrong ask yourself how you view a dowry or arranged marriages. Both of those are tradtions that lasted for thousands of years. Pretty much nonexistant in the modern Western world. Ask yourself what you think when we hear about a family in Africa that married their daughter to the man who gave 40 goats to the brides father. Or what do you think when you hear about the two kids who at age 7 were betrothed to each other somewhere in Asia? That used to be a standard practice across the world, even in Western society.

The funny thing is, I do like the idea of a lifelong companion, a woman who I may raise a family with, who I can share my thoughts with, build a life together, connect with, have adventures and experiences together. Someone who has different interests that would complement my own. Oh and of course she would have a hot body and I would never tire making love to her.

Sounds good. But the hermit thing really is much less complicated and more realisitic.

I have finally decided to go back to teaching. It is a gorgeous day out today and I look forward to having summers off again and just tooling around town with not a care in the world. It is a glorious feeling to be out while the rest of the world works. Go to a movie at 11am on a Wednesday. Or sit out on a patio having lunch near the beach with the sun on my face. Just thinking about it makes me feel years younger. Plus in addition to the free time, it will feel good to have purpose again and contribute to the progress of mankind. Hey it's the only way I can justify my existence here. With no belief in heaven or hell, that leaves me with the knowledge that this is all we have. And if that is the case, then to give my life purpose, I too need to believe in something greater than myself. For me that is the continued progress of humankind. And if i can teach and guide young people to think for themselves, I am confident that they will make the right decisions for themselves.
And the fewer drug addled, uneducated people out there will mean a better society. Holding back the tide of decay is something I have always wanted to do. Surely no one person can do it on their own, but if we all put our fingers in the dyke we can hold that tide back.
Not to mention bring a smile to the dyke.

I just saw Spartan today. It was a pretty good movie. It wasn't all that original, but it was written and directed in such a way that for the most part it had the feel of an orginal movie. You can never expect too much from these sort of thrillers. Mystery about some crime/international incident, backroom politics leads to a double-cross, running from the very people you worked with, pushing forward when you should have played it smart and done the wrong thing, and then conclusion. It's usually the same, but a good movie in this genre will usually leave you feeling like you sorta knew what was going on, gives you a legitimate twist and then takes you for a pretty good ride.
Val Kilmer was as cool as ever. Ever since Top Secret he has been one of my favorite actors that just has that aura of cool. Tia Texada is in the movie and I can't figure out if she is pretty or not. They seem to have used a lot of makeup on her, and there is something askew about her lips and her face in general. She has that Michelle Rodriguez look, where you are sorta attracted to her, but there is something "off" yet perhaps that is why she is attractive. Not necessarily beautiful, but attractive in the actual definition of the word. That is there is something that attracts you to her.
Of course I could be crazy but perhaps that is the real charm, like the imperfect stamp that is actually more valuable than if it was perfect.

I feel bad for Martha Stewart. Sure I think she is a bitch and she did do something wrong. But it's sad just how much she is taking a beating for this whole thing. And it's not just because what she did is wrong, and it's not just that she is stuck up, controlling and a bitch. A lot of this is because she is a woman. There are so many executives and owners of companies that are assholes, greedy, controlling etc. Who have done similar or worse things. Now she could have played it smart and acted sorry, played dumb etc. But she stood firm and confident and juries hate that shit especially in women. OJ walked because Johnny Cochran was a genius and flipped the script so that OJ became a victim. Hell why do you think The Passion of the Christ is so popular, we love victims. Now you have to be careful when you play the victim, it can't be overplayed because then you lose sympathy and seem opportunistic.
Obviously Martha knew better, as a former broker she knew the rules and what to say. But the one thing the Feds hate, and most authorities hate, is lying. But throwing her away for more than 1 year in even a Club Fed is extreme.
I am not some conspiracy hippie freak or anything, but if George W. Bush can LIE to the American people to make his daddy proud and fulfill some daddy-pleasing-following-footsteps-Freudian-thing by cooking the intelligence and engaging in unlawful warfare causing the death of American men and women, then will someone please tell me why he isn't in jail or being impeached? For crying out loud, Clinton gets a blowjob in the Oval Office and he's up shit creek. Bush leads thousands to die and is about to let a half-baked "democratic" Iraq run itself and no one other than a few liberals cry out.

But please lock Martha Stewart up, pull Howard Stern off the air, stop Siegfried and Roy from marrying each other. That'll create jobs and keep America safe.
Shit like that makes Michael Moore look sane.

Have I mentioned how much I hate my job? That place makes me feel stabby and shooty. Don't people understand just how stupid they are? That really is one of the most annoying things about stupid people, they are too stupid to know they are stupid. Worse than that, its that they feel the need to constantly remind me of just how stupid they are, as if I could ever forget. Don't get me wrong not everyone is stupid. There are some people who I deem to be almost as intelligent as myself, hell there is even one or two people I consider to be slightly more intelligent than me. And yes, I am aware of my faults and failings as well as the fact that I am not the most intelligent person on Earth. It may not always seem like it with my superior and self-righteous attitude, but I do acknowledge the greatness of others. Over the years though I have let my contempt for others really shine through. And while I am aware this can be percieved as being petty, I honestly don't care anymore. This anti-social attitude has been growing slowly over the years and I am more convinced than ever that I shall live in a hermit-like existence with a heart like C. Montgomery Burns. The only thing to save me will be the ghosts of hot models past, present and future. They will remind me of the love and warmth I used to have in my bitter old heart and I will wake up one morning a changed man and ask the chimney sweep outside of my window if the biggest goose is still in the window and when he says yes, I shall tell him to go fuck the goose and stay away from my chimneys.

That or I will go out and buy hairplugs and a sports car and pick up on women like Barbara Eden at PTA meetings. Do they even have those anymore?

Listening to music again helps keep me motivated. I am not sure why but I have always been very connected to music in an emotional way. I know most people are but I am curious if everyone is. You know how some people can't stand the sight of blood or some people get vertigo. Maybe people have different wiring when it comes to what stimulates them. And not just based on association, but on some biological level. I have great senses which I would jokingly refer to as being super senses or super sensitive. Certain sounds just drive me insane, like when people use a knife and it cuts the plate....I am pretty narrow when it comes to what I listen to.
I always tell people what an open mind I have, which is amazing to people who know me because so many ways I act are very narrow. Fish. I don't eat fish. I refuse to eat fish. But being the nut I am, I will eat a tuna sandwich. That's just one example. But while I may live my life in a narrow way, the mind is very much open. I usually explain like this-- for my mind to be open sometimes I must be very close minded. Think of a computer, if your PC had no spam blockers, no pop up killers, no virus protection software and no firewall would your PC be able to openly be on the Internet? Probably not for long I would imagine before it became infected with all manner of trash. Such is my philosophy for my picky existence. I am open minded enough to understand how someone can believe what they do, but not so open minded that I can become brainwashed either.

Although joining a cult would probably allow me to meet some easy women. But of course the cult leader usually saves them for himself. Rat Bastard.

Wow, Patricia Wettig was on Alias again, and damn her tits were huge looking. She used to be on Thirty-Something and now she plays a shrink for the CIA on the show every now and then. Of course that is mostly because her husband, Ken Olin produces and directs a lot of the episodes. After that it was time to watch some Dave Chapelle. That show is so funny. I love that Comedy Central makes more of their own shows now. Crank Yankers can be funny sometimes, and of course The Daily Show is pure genius. I wish more people could see it and appreciate it the way I do. Ah the world would be a much better place....

Ok, who turned on the friggin heater. We have had nice cool weather until today. Suddenly its in the high 70's. I had to find a pair of shorts to go out and get lunch. I haven't worn shorts since October. (which is an indication of how warm October can be.) It is supposed to be warm like this all week. Of course then I am sure it will get cool again. Just to mess with us. It really does feel like June or July. This heat of course makes me want to go out for summer fun and goof off. Of course heat like this also makes my sex drive kick in to overdrive. Something primal about the heat, even though it means sticky sweaty not neat clean sex. Then of course there is always showering together. It would be nice to have a big bath tub for that.
I also do not want to cook anything in the kitchen, ok so it's not like I usually do anyway. But now I just want someone to bring me something to eat. But I am trying not to spend too much money these days as I want to kill that last credit card once and for all. And I have to save my money for a little trip to Mexico in a few weeks with some friends. I actually was tempted to buy all 6 seasons of Stargate SG-1 last week at Best Buy. They had a pretty good deal, Save 50 bucks if you buy all six. But I can't really justify that as it is still on the air and I don't know that I would really watch them. But I do enjoy the show a lot. And after having bought Alias seasons 1 & 2, I feel more and more like it is worth it to have certain shows. Speaking of Alias, I am so glad there is a new episode tonight. It has been weeks. With all these Sunday awards shows and specials. I hope this means they will continue showing new episodes each week. After all I need my weekly dose of Jennifer Garner.

It occured to me today that I don't have a cool hobby and perhaps that is why I am not rich and successful. This morning I met my friend at work to pickup his car and follow him down to San Diego so he could have some work done on it. So my day included lots of fun driving down and back up the coast. Which I actually enjoy as it gives me time to take in the scenery as well as ponder lifes many mysteries. I do my second best thinking while taking such leisurely drives. My best thinking however occurs in the shower.
But I am off track here. So as I am waiting at work for my friend to arrive I see these other two people meet up in the garage in separate cars. They both get out and grab golf bags and pile into a third guy's van. And I realized hey, I don't have some kind of scheduled hobby/sport/socializing event that gives my life meaning and structure. I thought about how lots of successful people have these organized lives and part of that is to set aside specific time for such types of activities. Obviously it isn't the activity itself that generates or contributes to the success, it is the general way that these people organize their lives.

Now I have always known this, and have missed teaching for that exact reason. I miss schedules and planning things ahead. That kind of organization makes it easier to be more efficient in the use of the little time we have here. And it also doesnt hurt to lose a golf game to your boss now and then.

I find it interesting and entertaining to listen to peoples thoughts and opinions, even when I don't agree with them. Hell sometimes that's more fun. Usually I just nod politely, utter a few comments they want to hear to reinforce their demented thoughts and let them walk away thinking what a nice agreeable chap I am and how they should invite me to the next meeting with the Grand Wizard or the Queen Alien. Some repair guy today came into our office to repair our fax machine and I helped him carry it's worn carcass out to his car. He found it necessary to mention that he was in the Army Reserves and might get called up soon. A prospect that I find sad and most certainly wish him the best of luck. He continued telling me that his unit specializes in something that only 3 other units do, he declined to mention what that was other than "oh we do lots of things, right now one unit is directing traffic in the desert in Iraq so convoys don't get lost." Hmm I thought to myself, a specialty in doing lots of things. I let that one go and let him continue telling me that he doesn't mind going there, he did two tours of duty in Vietnam, one in the first Gulf War and Bosnia. But more importantly because he hopes that Bush gets reelected so that they can finish the job otherwise some other president will change things and get this, "we will be the laughing stock of the world, because right now they know we mean business and no one else was going to step up and do anything."

Being the expert at deception that I am, I was able to hear all this without conveying my sense of shock and disbelief. Other than the fact that Bush plans to withdraw our major presence by the end of June, well before the election and thus making that point moot. He actually believes that what we did with Iraq was right and worth the dangers our troops face. And he must also believe that somehow in less than one year democracy will take root and flourish in Iraq.

He certainly isn't insane or anything like that, he just has an opinion and world view that is different than mine. And that is what I really got out of it, aside from being afraid that more people think like that. It is helpful to know what other people think even if it differs from what we think. We have to live and work with people who we may not like or trust or agree with, but it's that basic ability to get along and move past those things that keeps us from slipping into some chaotic barbarous state.

Well Kerry has emerged as the Democrat to run against Bush and now things will really heat up. I can't wait to see how this unfolds. A lot of this will depend upon the running mate Kerry chooses. More than likely it will have to be a more conservative Southern Democrat to counter the Northern Liberal charges against Kerry. They should do pretty well with the issues if their team sticks to the economy with a sprinkling of the rush to war with Iraq. Bush of course hopes that by turning Iraq back to the Iraqis by the end of June that will make Iraq a non-issue. However, considering how premature the turnover of power will be it is very likely to back-fire when the country slides into chaos. The gay marriage issue will eventually fade away as the Republicans realize it's not a major domestic concern. Now we are finally hearing about "out-sourcing" American jobs abroad. We watched this happen in the 70's and 80's with manufacturing and now it is happening with service and certain tech jobs. Granted we can adapt and develop new jobs for a new economy, but we also have to stem the tide of our jobs and industries leaving the country.
There will come a time when we will need to have goods manufactured in this country and the people to provide services to also reside here. We have become a victim of our own success. Yet many Americans still don't have the kind of prosperity one would expect we should have. Living in SoCal, I can't imagine that I can ever own a home here. Unless I move to the desert somewhere and commute 3 hours. And I refuse to live to work. It is bad enough we work to live. I can't imagine defining my existence by my job.

How is it that a giving someone a simple ride home can end up in an evening at a strip club? It's like Gilligan's Island, what should have been a short little trip ended up with a long stay on a tropical locale, in this case the Hawaii Theater. I should have been home with a heating pad on my shoulder instead of having a hot stripper on my lap. It was my second time there, my second time at any strip club as a paying customer. I don't like to frequent such places as I have in my younger days dated and was friends with quite a few strippers/dancers. So I have never had much interest in seeing or paying for that kind of entertainment. After getting to know some of them, and seeing how they play the game I see past the illusions that seem to enthrall so many guys. As such I have a difficult time enjoying the show. One of the dancers last night had what looked like a wedding ring on and I couldn't help but to keep noticing it.
Really the best thing about the place is that they play Rock music. Though some of the girls lack the energy or skill to perform to the music. One of the girls had a body that was just out of whack and not in good shape, but she had energy and knew how to dance and work the floor. Then some young teenish looking girl comes out and looks so awkward and stiff I felt bad for her. Another dancer kept looking around the room and watching what was going on at the bar or towards the dressing room as other girls came and went. Nothing worse than to watch someone who isn't into their performance, whether that is acting, music or in this case dancing.
Ok, so I obviously have a tough time just relaxing and enjoying it for what it is. But these are the twisted thoughts that run through my head. I can't watch them and think about sex with them or fall for the illusion and lust for them like I am supposed to.
It's like watching that movie where they show you how they make hot dogs. After that you really can't eat another hot dog knowing what you now know.

It's raining and it sounds so good. Right now I wish I was sitting in a beach house on some tropical island listening to the rain. I can even smell how clean the air is. I have always loved the rain and will never really understand why so many people look at it as a bad thing. The 'weathermen' on the news always say things like, "And tomorrow will be a better day, with sun and no more rain". Screw you buddy, the rain makes a better day. I remember having my annual pass to DisneyLand when I was a child and when it was overcast and there was a slight chance of sprinkling or drizzle, we used to go to DisneyLand and no one was there, you could run through the lines and go on rides over and over. Even to this day when it's cool, overcast and looks like it may drizzle, I call it DisneyLand Weather.
Sure it's no fun to drive in the rain, especially in SoCal, where people do one of two extremes. They either drive faster than what is safe, or they slow down to some kind of paranoid crawl in constant fear of their tires going into a slight puddle. Put both types of lame-ass drivers on the road and we have a nice pile-up.

Well I guess I wasn't too far off. I am glad that LOTR won so many Oscars. Though I think everyone did get LOTR fatigue and the whole thing became rather boring because of it. Nevertheless, it was a worthy movie series.

Well another fun week ahead for me. Work has been so crazy that my eye twitch has returned. It really must be work, because at home on the PC I don't have it. How sick is that, I have developed a nervous tick. And for what? A job.

I really am sick of Billy Crystal hosting the Academy Awards. Why not have Chris Rock or Jay Mohr or Ben Stiller. Lets get some younger and better comedians. Ah well, let's see who will win. It's always interesting to me to see who should win as opposed to who actually wins. And the envelope please:
(The A's are my picks, the O's are Oscar's)

A-Best Picture: LOTR. Just for the fact that it made history being filmed all at once. No more George Lucas crap where we wait 10 years between each film.

O-Best Picture: Lost in Translation. It has the buzz, a female director and is a good movie. Master & Commander, please lets give Crowe a break from Oscar. Seabiscuit? Its too formula. It smells like inspirational Hollywood sap. Empty calories.

A-Actor:I'd like to see Johnny Depp get it for Pirates only because it was a very good character. But for full depth of acting ability, I pick Bill Murray. He should have received an Oscar for his role in Wild Things.

O-Actor: Tough one. But I think they will go with Bill Murray. Again the buzz. Sean Penn yah he's gained serious status over the years, Ben Kingsley another great actor, but who even saw this movie? Johnny Depp is a favorite, but the role was too light and fun. Jude Law, the movie had some buzz, but he's young and they would likely see him get one later in his career.

A-Actress:Naomi Watts for 21 Grams. Good actress.

O-Actress: Ugh, Charlize Theron is a favorite. It's almost a sure thing.

A-Supporting Actor: Benicio Del Toro. That guy is a good actor.

O-Supporting Actor: Tough one to figure out. Tim Robbins is a favorite, but they may want to give a nod to Alec Baldwin.

A-Supporting Actress: Marcia Gay Harden, she is a really good actress. Go see her.

O-Supporting Actress: Renee Zellweger is the favorite here.

A-Director: Peter Jackson. Again he did something amazing with this movie. It could have turned into a flop Willow-style. But it made gobs of cash, was fun to watch, and did a good job all around.

O-Director: Clint has won before, so it's not likely they will give him one this time, though winning before does make anyone seem more Oscar worthy. (It's like the presidential election) Sofia Coppola may just walk away with the Oscar for this one. It was a good movie, and again has the buzz. Jackson may be snubbed purely for the fact that the movie is a fantasy movie. Comedy movies dont win many Oscars.

As for the rest? Who really cares. Costumes and Sound and Editing and all the rest. Hey I am sure good work was done, but it's not exciting to me.

Another fun-filled evening has come to an end. Did the whole Newport/Costa Mesa thing tonight and didn't even have a lot to drink. Usually I do to take the edge off when being around that kind of crowd. I get suck a kick from watching people. Not in the lurking behind your bushes peeping through your window way, but in the "I am judging you with my eyes" way. I have always been an observer more than a participant. I enjoy watching things around me and learning about my surroundings and how it all fits and works. Not just the rain cycle or photosynthesis. But how does that old man with the walker look at the two kids on skateboards with tattoos all over them. And how do they look at or regard him as they almost knock him down in their oblivious Bill & Ted stupor. I think that the observing has made me a better judge of things and has allowed me to see what is likely to happen in situations. Though that over-thinking causes me to be very judgemental and on edge.

But as I get older and continue to reflect and grow, I become much more pleased with who I am as a person and the way in which I view the world. Although I am very displeased that I have to wait yet another week for the next new episode of Alias. I liked it better when the Academy Awards were on a Monday and in March.

Enough of politics, lets talk about something more fun and less controversial. Religion. So Mel Gibson in his desire to see his beliefs spread and upheld has created this movie, The Passion of the Christ. Smart move to get him into heaven, but it may damage his career in Hollywood. Nothing Hollywood hates more than convictions and the willingness to stand for them. Anyhoo there is some talk of the movie raising Anti-Semitism because of the depiction of the Romans and the Jews and their part in the death of Jesus. Putting the historical record aside as well as the inaccuracies in the movie...I have to wonder why it always comes down to the whole "Jews killed Jesus" thing. Think about it for a moment, Any Christian should never harbor any ill feeling towards any Jew. Even if you lay the blame on the Jewish leadership at that time, let's look at it from a faith based view. Traditionally it goes like this, God send his only son to preach the gospel to men, and to ultimately act as a sacrificial lamb to die for the sins of mankind. Part of this was that Jesus had knowledge of his fate and was Ok with it. So we get this whole predestination fate thing. Still with me? Ok so if the whole thing was known by God and Jesus, and was supposed to happen so Jesus could die for the sins of mankind, then Jesus was supposed to die. In which case, whoever was "responsible" for his death was just playing a role given to them and were acting out the divine plan set forth by God.

So why would anyone blame the Jews, or hate them for (possibly)fulfilling God's will?

Obviously their are other prejudices at work, but can't we put that one to rest yet?
After all What Would Flanders Do?

What a bunch of fraidy cats. Clear Channel Radio has annouced that they will suspend airing the Howard Stern show on their radio stations because of their fear of the FCC. What is happening? Did I suddenly wake up in 1984? And I mean that literally and literaturely (yes I know that is made up). Did Ed Meese become Attorney General again? What's next James Watt drilling for oil in Alaska? Oh wait that's already a current issue. FIX THE ECONOMY FIRST. BRING OUR TROOPS HOME SAFELY. Then go ahead and limit the rights of people who love each other to marry, limit the rights of free speech, cover the breast of a friggin statue, or whatever other wild hair is up the collective right-wing ass. These people need to learn to prioritize. Distraction tactics never fail to amaze me. Though not much is different from our first real (I say real because you can't count Gen. Washington's elections, those were freebies) elections to the ones today.

Whatever your politics, beliefs, views, thoughts, etc...Think what you want, vote for what you want, say what you want. But please take a long look at what you care about when you think of what it means to be an American. Where have we come from and where do you want this country to go. When I do, I look at the Declaration of Independence. The seed from which this country sprang from, based on the Liberty of the Individual. It makes me feel idealistic and hopeful. Sure I maybe a corny sap, just call me Mr. Smith, but I will be damned if I will turn my back on the basic ideals of liberty, equality, justice and opportunity on which this country was founded.

Ok, now I am pissed. It's bad enough when the Republican Christian Agenda is given so much air-time by the media with their whole anti-gay marriage crap. Which of course leads others to only push that much harder for the pro-gay marriage agenda. You have judges and courts, city government and state governments jumping in. But now President Bush is talking about involvement on the Federal level. And not just in regards to the Supreme Court, but the Constitution. I am and have always been a big fan of the Federal Government, I couldn't stand it when the Republicans railed against it in the 80's and even the 90's. All their bullshit about leaving things to the States. And now they jump in again and want to meddle with the Constitution for another phoney issue. Gay Marriage. They wanted Amendments banning Abortion, banning Flag Burning, allowing school prayer. I say phoney, because most Americans really couldn't care less.
In love with your same-sex partner, want to live together, get married, have the states change the laws and have at it. Now the legal profession can create a whole new specialty, Gay Prenuptial Agreements and of course to follow Gay Divorces. Lawyers must be loving the prospect. Who doesn't like the idea:
Some conservative folks who pull the old "God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve" crap.
Chrisitians and Jews and Muslims who view marriage as a sanctified union between a man and a woman. Yes news flash its not just Pat Robertson types.
Ordinary men and women who for whatever reason just aren't comfortable with the idea of homosexuality. And I don't mean hate mongers, just people like your Aunt or Dad or neighbor, maybe you or your best friend. It leaves them feeling uneasy, but for the most part they don't care enough to protest because as much as they may not like the idea, they acknowledge that basic fundamental idea of Live and Let Live.
And that is really the big issue. Not some pro or con. Just simply let consenting adults live their life as they choose in a way that does no harm to themselves or others. What could be more American than that?

If that means that 49 states decide that marriage will continue to be a union between one man and one woman (yes, Rick Santorum is a jack-ass but he made some valid legal points) then so be it. Everyone who wants to enter into a marriage with someone of the same sex will just move to that state. And more than likely the other states would follow suit. Maybe not all, but most. It has been 35 years since Stonewall and much has changed, just as much has stayed the same. But as other civil rights movements have shown us, fear, ignorance and hatred can do little but delay the eventual legal (and hopefuly social) acceptance of a minority.

Well, I just got back from the Hyundai dealer. Ah what fun. Hopefully this is the last time I will have to take my car back to them. But I doubt it, this whole thing has been one long nightmare....but thats a story for another time. I just want to drive it until it is paid off, and then maybe one year of no payments. Then trade in and get something more reliable. Or else perhaps just go nuts and buy another Mustang, either a new one or else a '68 like I used to have.
Oh and Hyundai's are decent cars, but their service sucks monkey balls. Yah the warranty you always hear about is cool. But when they don't give you a loaner or pay for a rental and they take nearly a month to fix your car....then big deal. Now you didn't pay for service, but you spend like $600+ for car rental.

So it's been a long freaking time. 3 months of silence. And now with a direct link to me it seems fitting that I at least update. This whole relating to people again and socializing may require me to get more into this. With my new and nearly free digital camera it would be nice to post pictures. Though I think that would mean actually taking them. we shall see. So work is the same. We have a new general manager and not much has changed. I was saddened by the lack of change. I was hoping for a take charge kind of person. But there is still the power struggle and drama to watch, so I will be more than entertained in the months to come. Still slogging through some books I bought a couple months ago. Currently reading about the Cathars, a very interesting sect of Christianity that was wiped out by the Inquisition in the 1300's. I dont think they were expecting......ah you know the rest.

peep

Well I am back after moving and finally having cable returned to my life. Although I have decided..for now..to keep the tv in the front room, and now I must choose between tv and the pc. I love them both the same, yet at some point every parent must choose. We'll see how long this lasts, I am sure I will eventually break down and reunite the two. The new apartment is feeling good. Nice and quiet and clean. I still have much unpacking and organizing to do, but it is getting there. I will also have to venture forth to the garage and begin to tackle all the stored items that need to be organized once and for all.

Well I am in the middle of moving. Or at least getting ready to. Just about everything is ready to go on the truck tomorrow. And now I must unplug the pc and move that as well. TimeWarner has decided that it will take a whole week to get someone out to the new apt to turn on the cable. So I suppose it will give me time to unpack and get organized. It's so tempting to just keep things in boxes and never look at them until the next move. I can't even imagine how sore I will be tomorrow. Pretty much everything has to be moved all in one day. Which isn't too bad considering I have Monday off and will be able to use that to clean the old place and rest up. Moving is such an incentive to plant roots in one place.

OJ Simpson saying he feels bad for Scott Peterson. I know if I was accused of murdering my wife and unborn child the last thing in the world I would want is a testimonial from OJ Simpson. That is like the kiss of death.

Watching 60 Minutes and they are doing a story on the Biological Clock for women. These people are stupid they think you can give birth in your 40's and even up to 55 years old. And supposedly 90% of professional men think similar things about women's ability to have children. WTF. I learned all this shit when I was in High School. Why don't people know their own bodies? It's like this girl at work , I say girl but she is like 27 and she didnt know that women are born with all the eggs they are ever going to have. Unlike men who make sperm daily and as such have to release it daily.(if we are lucky anyway) Even if a woman's body is capable of having kids into 40's why raise a kid at that age. Its not fair to the kids. Women who have kids in their 40's tend to increase chance of Down's Syndrome and why not adopt instead of taking massive doses of fertility drugs. If I don't have kids by the time I am 35, that's it. I don't want to have to cash my Social Security checks to give my kid money to see a movie.
Oh and if Andy Rooney is showing off his swollen hands, you'd think he'd have the sense to get his fingernails cut. C'mon you can afford a damn manicure.

Well after sleeping most of the day I went to see S.W.A.T. It was pretty good. A little slow at the beginning but had a pretty good last half. Although I can't believe they actually use the line "he's a good cop" It just doesnt get anymore cheezey than that. It was a little disturbing that they kept calling the villian, a Frog. Granted it's not much of an unpopular thing to make fun of the French, but using a slur like that or any slur is still pretty ugly. Especially when for most people it is an obscure slur. Most people don't use the term Limey for the Brits or Frog for the French. Anyhoo the movie was good and had plenty of references to the old TV series. The next TV series that make into a movie should be Land of The Lost. Think about it.

What a day. Just got back from Mexico. Time for sleep. I had fun though, as exhausted as I am. Fun was very much needed after today. Ugh Bush visited the Hyatt hotel in the same complex as our office and protesters were out front on the sidewalks. And then someone made a bomb threat at one of the other buildings in the complex so our office was panicked. Anyhoo, time for bed. Adios.

No power in the Northeast US. A major power outage was bound to happen sooner or later. Though I had figured it would be in the western US like a few years back. When that happened, i think in 96 or so, that wasn't much of a surprise either. In college I had to do a group paper on the CA PUC (Publick Utilities Commission) and the then possible deregulation of the electric industry. It was a shock to learn how messed up our power grids are and how in some instances the loss of one small plant could affect several states. The whole way we generate and deliver power needs an overhaul. I just keep waiting for fuel cell development to progress to the point where we won't need to rely on one single line in the middle of the desert to send power to millions of people in an entire region. Ah well by then our summers will be even hotter thanks to Global Warming, and if you don't believe it exists, ask the British who just had the hottest day in their recorded history.

So Arnold and like a thousand other governor wannabes have joined the circus here in CA. It's such a silly thing that less than a year ago Gov. Davis was re-elected and now suddenly people think he is so terrible he has to be recalled. CA really has some of the lamest voting laws. Between our asinine propositions and this recall I am beginning to think we are really crazy. They seem like great democratic ideas but they are so misused its laughable. As much of a liberal as I am, I like Davis and think he is a decent man and was good as Lt Governor. But he lacks leadership ability and the charisma to have been able to address some major problems that were not his fault. The energy crisis and the state deficit are not his doing and he could not have changed things much. BUT he could have stepped up to the plate and shown the people that he was still at the helm of the ship and would work hard to turn things around. And the qualities that he lacks, are the ones that will allow Arnold to slip in and run CA. Well try anyway. Some business men don't do such a great job at politics because of the whole "can't have your way all the time" and "compromise" realities of governing. In Arnold's case, I think he is bright enough to realize this, but it will be interesting to see how this plays out. I think sheer curiousity will allow him to win. Even though most of his movies in the last 10 years have been absolute crap. Oh and he has that constant smiley-I-tell-jokes-so-I-am-always-happy-facade. That worries me. Reagan had that, it borders on being smug and goofy. Like things are never serious or real. Hell even Clinton acted serious at times. And Bush gets that look that is a cross between being mean and crying. Like some presidential pout.